Fast Forward

I wanted to write what I did for the last year while I was MIA. While I was in Boyfriend Land, lots of things happened. I went to Stampede, to the Ranchion in Kelowna, I spent another weekend in Toronto for the Rally for Kids with Cancer, I went to the Mansion in LA for Halloween again (we were Lumberjacks this year!) and I had a California Christmas with a Las Vegas mission. Strangely none of those adventures involved my wonderful, fabulous Boyfriend. He did take me camping, fishing and out on the lake quite a few times, and I loved it all, but that's not what this is about. This is about why I'm skipping the year...
I wanted my stuff from him after we broke up. I had asked my friend to get it for me but he said no, he was going to drop it off. He didn't. He texted me regularly just to check in. He called, I'm sure just to torment me, but still, no stuff! It's not like anything I had there couldn't be replaced. It was mostly camping stuff, a jacket, and another dog bed. (I live in 600 square feet, as if I need three dog beds, he sleeps with me usually!) I just wanted my things to be out of his house. As long as he had my things I sickly thought there was still a chance we would get back together. Then one day I snapped...here's the back story on the snap show:
One weekend I hosted a little get together at his place and he had a guest sit on his lap. He was very drunk, sure, but did that excuse the fact he was hitting on this chick right in front of me? He had her all cuddled up on his lap, promising her boat rides for her Birthday. It was bad enough he was acting like that, but also a little ridiculous she sat there, apparently enjoying it all. So, when I saw pictures of them together after we broke up I instantly knew something had happened between them. (I wasn't the only one with this instant reaction). Sure we weren't together, he could do what, and whom, he wanted. If he decided he felt like Cougar, that was his choice and I had no right to be upset. But I was, because my stuff was still at his house!! This wasn't when I snapped though.
I completely snapped the day I saw them become FB friends. It was about mid morning, he was at work, and he doesn't have a data plan...so I knew he had requested her friendship and she had just accepted it. There it was, in my news feed, "The Trampy Coug and Your Amazing Ex You Wanted To Get Back Together With are now friends". Within 5 minutes of seeing that I texted him saying I was coming for my stuff, that day after work. That was the snapping point.
When I arrived I knocked and walked back toward my car. He opened the door. I couldn't even look at him. He asked me how I like his new truck. I sort of just shook my head. He said "I didn't think you would." Was he retarded?? It was a huge old Dodge. Of course I liked it. But I was not going to let him know that! And why would he care if I did? And did he not know me at all?? No, he absolutely did not know me...but that's another story. He asked me if I really was blogging about him. Um, yes. And it wasn't even bad! All I had written about was our great first date. I had made him sound like a Prince, because at that point, I thought he was.
As I crammed all sorts of things I didn't really need into my car I thanked him for returning my precious (totally replaceable) belongings. He walked to his door as I got into the car and stopped and turned and asked me if that was all. I asked him what he wanted me to say. He told me I could at least say good bye. I realized I had said Good Bye months ago, just not to his face, or to myself.
As I closed my door he pouted and walked into his house in a huff. I reminded myself that he's a total people pleaser. He can't stand to have people unhappy with him. I think he wanted to be friends. He just LOVES staying friends with his exes. (Especially the married ones...again, another classy story). But you can't be friends with someone you've never had a friendship with. He went from stranger, to my boy friend, then back to stranger. How did he think that I could have anything more to say to him? My stuff was out of his life, and so was I.

Is There Something on my Face?

So I met my blind date. Being the demanding, selfish diva I am I requested a place 5 minutes from my house at a lake so I could at least have my dog exercised if the date was a flop. I brought a glass of wine for myself in a water bottle to get me through. In my defense I also brought him a can of Lucky in a Sprite can cover. Within 2 minutes I knew he was different. He didn't give me the up down look, or at least didn't get caught doing it, he offered to help me with my handful of a dog and his truck was filthy. I seem to have a thing for dirty duallys, or clean trucks, whatever. I had a great time talking to him, he threw a stick for my dog, we skipped rocks, and not once was I creeped out at all.
When he invited me to his house for blender drinks I jumped at the offer. Again, I had a great time with him. We hung out in the sun, chatted, ate. We had really similar values and outlooks. He didn't seem to be too bothered by the loaf of garlic bread I inhaled. This was going well! Too well...he must be unavailable somehow.
I had one too many blender drinks to drive, and when he said my dog and I were both welcome to spend the night I said yes. Eventually we went to his king sized bed and slept., or passed out. As I said, there were many blender drinks. In the morning I left to meet my lunch plans. He hugged me good bye, we exchanged numbers and he invited me back to his place that afternoon. All without ever kissing me, that hug was the only time he touched me at all. What. The. F*CK?
I was confused. Was there something on my face? Had I said something wrong? Was it just a pity invite and was he just not that into me? Who knows how this one is going to turn out...

Oh You Aren't Available? Then I want you!

Every once and a while I will admit that I am single because I am a little self sabotaging. I am instantly attracted to the most unavailable men. I had gone to a girlfriends Birthday dinner and sat beside her very cute brother. He was funny, nice, sweet, cute, absolutely everything I am looking for. We spent the whole night chatting, laughing and when I left I wanted to see him again. I ended up messaging my friend a few hours later and asked her to give him my number. He messaged me. We texted constantly for the next few days, but here's the thing: He lives in Alberta. He has a home there, a career there, a child there, and a crazy ex wife who will always be in his life there. After a few weeks I broke off our SMS relationship. He's not available in person, so he's not available.
A few days after that I was relaxing in the hot tub at my gym (I joined a gym for the year round heated outdoor pool and hot tub), when I spied a SUPER hot guy working out. At first I judged a little, he was wearing a V-neck T-shirt, but when he got into the hot tub sans V-neck all was forgiven. We made eye contact, he smiled, and I knew instantly he was perfect for me. I spent the next couple of days telling all my friends about how hot V-neck and how I was going to see him again. And I did see him again, on the internet, in an article about Canada's first Bachelor, the TV show. Yes, another very unavailable man I was attracted to.
One sunny Sunday shortly after I was enjoying reading "If He's Not the One, Who Is?!" poolside, getting good use of my gym membership, minding my own business when a cute, young boy approached me. He asked me to join his friend and him for a drink. As I turned to look at him I removed my ridiculously over sized sunglasses. I knew this kid! Of course I did!! Not only am I attracted to unavailable men, I attract inappropriate ones. While I did accept the invitation and have a great time enjoying beverages in the sun with him and his cute, also very young, friend, I knew the universe was trying to tell me something. Three such events so close together just drove it home: I'm done with dating...again.
Well, until next weekend, I did just agree to a blind date next...

Catch Up

Oh hello, it's been a while...

I had written a few posts, but never pressed publish. I was scared too. Scared to let the guy I was seeing know who I really was I guess. But I'm back, again. So here you go, more stories of my hardships and unfortunate dating life. The next couple of posts aren't recent, but they are how I got to where I am today, so they've got to be posted. I've poured a glass of wine, honest, just one, and now I'm pressing publish.

Have fun playing catch up, I know I am ;)

What Should I have Said?

As a single girl I get all sorts of messages. Let me give you a sample from a Facebook Friend:

Feb 22: Hey beautiful (Me, no response)
Mar 11: U were looking really good the other day sexy! Hope all is well? We should have a drink or grab something to eat sometime? Well talk to you later. Cheers (I had driven through his work parking lot with my brother and waved. I did not respond to this message)
Mar 14: Hello sexy! (Again, I shockingly did not answer)
Apr 2: Hello ***... You never return my messages beautiful? Are we still homies or what? Lol what's ur number ? Get back to me for once would ya... 250-***-**** hope all is well?
Cheers **** (This time I answered with:)
Apr 2: They're just usually inappropriate, so I ignore them.

Was I offside? Getting messages from someone you used to work with calling you beautiful and sexy and asking me for a drink or something to eat just weirds me out.  I'm not at all interested in him, so what should I have said? Was ignoring them the wrong thing to do? I've gotten others that I've ignored too, 6 just as uncomfortable in the last 2 months from others. I thought not answering was just like not making eye contact and walking away in real life. Wrong? Obviously. Why do they send these messages in the first place?! If someone knows what I've been doing to attract unwanted messages from people I thought were friends please let me know. I'd love to stop such behavior. Like on Saturday...

I went out with a girl friend to eat some pub fare and play music bingo. (BYOBD next time! Bring your own Bingo Dabbers!) We were having a good time, talking about how our exes are ridiculous, debating whether I should message a guy or wait for him to process recent events, discovering we both went out with the same (really nice but we just weren't attracted to him) guy we met on a dating website, just generally enjoying our Saturday night. Then, WHAMMO, this guy came up to the table and starting talking to us. I knew him, well, I knew his twin brother. I told him I knew his brother, yet he still hung out at our table for hours! It was a little entertaining for a while but his friends were wasted, one fell asleep at a table, and that's not the night we were into. My friend drove home (she only had 2 drinks all night, amazing will power!) and I walked home with my dog (yes, he does come everywhere). As I carried my gold glittery heels in one hand and flowers from a drunk stranger in the other I wondered, what made him sit there ALL night with us? Neither one of us waved him over, neither one of us were leaving with him, so why? Our fine city has six women to every man, did he not know this? Or were we just that fabulous? What vibe do we put off to attract this? What should I have said to make him not stay there all night? (Even though he did help out a little at music bingo, and his drunk friend did buy us flowers and stuffed animals that our dogs loved! ha!) Is there rules? Is there a script? Did I miss a memo?!

As I sit here, alone with my dog, drinking a glass of wine, I can't help but think of all the things I wish I had said to men in the past. From "F*ck Off" to "I'm Sorry" I should have said it all, but I haven't always been that open. I never regret anything that made me smile, so I don't regret not saying these things, but boys be warned: I'll now be telling you exactly what I'm thinking and feeling. Never ask a question you don't want the answer too...