Lost and Found

Last night I was somewhere where I found three items that I had left behind; a tea towel, a hanger and a pillow case. Three very replaceable items. Why didn't I just replace them? Because I didn't even know I had lost them. This got me thinking about what else had I lost with out knowing. No, I didn't run to my sock drawer and make sure they are all paired. (I know they are. I have sock OCD) I was up all night thinking about what I've found in myself during the last few months. I've made a little list.

Knowing what the f*ck I want. Not always for dinner, but out of life.

Confidence. I used to go everywhere by myself, but I haven't felt like I could walk into a room alone in a long time. High five to me. I can now go out again alone, including leaving my comfort zone of "LA".

Independence. This one is kind of bizarre, but I found out I still hate to take my garbage out. But, I can. And that's something.

Reliability. People can now depend on me again to be there, because I'm not in Boy Friend Land. That Land takes a lot of my friends.

Setting Goals. I rediscovered that feeling of meeting goals I set. I love that! When did I lose that? Why did I lose that??

Fun. Did I lose fun or am I just having more fun now? I'm not sure, and I don't care. I'm fun.

I really enjoy the things I found, and I'm looking forward to finding more. Never regret anything that made you smile...so if you do lose something, no matter how or why, just appreciate finding it.

Forgiveness and Love: When it's not enough, and when it is.

 I'm really forgiving. I believe in unconditional love, second chances and that people can, and will, change themselves if they want to. All I want is honesty. The truth is the only real and undeniable thing in this world, that's why it's so important to me. No matter what happens as long as I get the truth I can forgive, and forget.
I dated a guy that I think cheated on me when he went out of town. I didn't want to know for sure, so I never asked, I just accepted that he was who he was, and I loved him for him. I never tried to change him, I fell for him, not who he could be, but who he was. I've heard "to forgive without requiring the other to change is not only self-destructive, but ensures a dysfunctional relationship will remain so by continually rewarding mistreatment" but I don't think so. I was happy with him, when he was with me I was his girlfriend, no one else was. He never lied to me, he just never came out and told me his "mistakes". He was a fantastic boyfriend, who I just didn't love enough. I ended it when I realized that. He wanted more, and I was happy just being his girlfriend. He was a great guy, just not the one for me. I thought he deserved someone who would give up anything for him, go to all lengths to be with him and keep him happy, because that's what I want.
Being honest, forgiving mistakes, trust, loving someone for who they are and sacrificing are some of the most important things to me. I'm willing to give all that, and more, and believe it will all come back to me. Happiness is a journey, not a destination, and I'm loving the ride!