What Happened?

The moment you realize he will never love you for who you are is most likely the worst moment of your life. When he tells you that you are fake, rude, and your own friends agree with him is going to be the exact moment your heart stops beating and you understand how precious air is to your lungs. You will realize that no matter how often you defended him to everyone you know, how many times you cleaned up after his rye fueled tantrums, how you never stopped loving him when he screamed at you, how he sided with people who used him for his zip code and you STILL stood by and defended him, how you cleaned his house while he f*cked around with his bike/yard/boat/booze/loser friends/user friends/idiot roommate even though you pay someone to clean your own as you are allergic to dust (just like your momma), how he wouldn't/couldn't sleep with you no matter how foxy you were, he would never, ever, love you and want to be with you. You will be amazed at the amount of salty tears and endless snot that your face can produce. You will be angry, sad, happy, proud, panicked, drunk, crushed, and devastated. You will scream. You will blow your nose on the cute shirt you are wearing. You will think about the two, yes, two entire years you wasted trying to get him to love you for who you are. You will reminisce about the awesome year you dated before the two wasted ones. 

The whole time you were trying to please him and his Crown Royal habit the world was still spinning. Life was happening. You were invited to a shit load of weddings you didn't want to go to. You went to most of them. You enjoyed a few. You caught a bouquet, you avoided a few, you wanted them all...

After countless heart fractures and lectures from EVERYONE to stay away from him, the one question that remains is this: What happened???

Shit went sideways. 

No matter how much you love someone, you can't make hem love you back. You can love their family, the man who they could be, and the idea of your life together, but you can't do all the work and make it happen.  Relationships are a two way street. (Usually with construction and shitty flagers)

Somewhere in your relationship, he decided you weren't perfect. F*ck does that hurt!! How could he not love a superfox like you?? But he says he does, but he hears this from his super cool friends that you said something to someone that they thought that so and so wouldn't like, so he doesn't want to be with you now, but people can change, so maybe one day... Wait... WHAT??? Really??? NO! Get out. I don't want to be friends with you!

So where does one go from here? Great question. All I know is I often wake up wondering "What Happened?" and fall asleep alone knowing one day it won't matter.

Whose Blog is this Anyway?!

So I logged into my blog account tonight just to be sure it was mine. Yep, my user name, my password, my words. All the posts, my thoughts, my feelings, my experiences. Definitely my blog. Why is it that my blog is so upsetting to other people?

Sure, your behaviors are written about. The way you made me feel is in there. How many sleepless nights and meals I didn't eat because I was so miserable, yes, it's all out on the internets for everyone to see!! But I would like to point out: It's all about me. Me! It's my way of trying to make sense of what happened. My way of trying to forget all the bad and just remember the good. Once the words get out there I can let go of the bitterness. And by bitterness I mean bullshit.

Here's the bottom line on my blog. It's mine. Not yours. If you don't want to be written about, don't act like an asshole. If you misinterpret what I write, that's your deal, not mine. I don't put this up here so you can feel good about your self. I also don't put it up here to hurt you. If you're upset by what I've written, talk to me, don't throw your obscured version in my face to push me away. My outlook, my feelings, my blog, they're mine.

Looking forward to writing about rainbows and unicorns. Until then, I'll continue to share my trials and tribulations with who ever creeps my blog. I'll say it again: MY blog. 

Fast Forward

I wanted to write what I did for the last year while I was MIA. While I was in Boyfriend Land, lots of things happened. I went to Stampede, to the Ranchion in Kelowna, I spent another weekend in Toronto for the Rally for Kids with Cancer, I went to the Mansion in LA for Halloween again (we were Lumberjacks this year!) and I had a California Christmas with a Las Vegas mission. Strangely none of those adventures involved my wonderful, fabulous Boyfriend. He did take me camping, fishing and out on the lake quite a few times, and I loved it all, but that's not what this is about. This is about why I'm skipping the year...
I wanted my stuff from him after we broke up. I had asked my friend to get it for me but he said no, he was going to drop it off. He didn't. He texted me regularly just to check in. He called, I'm sure just to torment me, but still, no stuff! It's not like anything I had there couldn't be replaced. It was mostly camping stuff, a jacket, and another dog bed. (I live in 600 square feet, as if I need three dog beds, he sleeps with me usually!) I just wanted my things to be out of his house. As long as he had my things I sickly thought there was still a chance we would get back together. Then one day I snapped...here's the back story on the snap show:
One weekend I hosted a little get together at his place and he had a guest sit on his lap. He was very drunk, sure, but did that excuse the fact he was hitting on this chick right in front of me? He had her all cuddled up on his lap, promising her boat rides for her Birthday. It was bad enough he was acting like that, but also a little ridiculous she sat there, apparently enjoying it all. So, when I saw pictures of them together after we broke up I instantly knew something had happened between them. (I wasn't the only one with this instant reaction). Sure we weren't together, he could do what, and whom, he wanted. If he decided he felt like Cougar, that was his choice and I had no right to be upset. But I was, because my stuff was still at his house!! This wasn't when I snapped though.
I completely snapped the day I saw them become FB friends. It was about mid morning, he was at work, and he doesn't have a data plan...so I knew he had requested her friendship and she had just accepted it. There it was, in my news feed, "The Trampy Coug and Your Amazing Ex You Wanted To Get Back Together With are now friends". Within 5 minutes of seeing that I texted him saying I was coming for my stuff, that day after work. That was the snapping point.
When I arrived I knocked and walked back toward my car. He opened the door. I couldn't even look at him. He asked me how I like his new truck. I sort of just shook my head. He said "I didn't think you would." Was he retarded?? It was a huge old Dodge. Of course I liked it. But I was not going to let him know that! And why would he care if I did? And did he not know me at all?? No, he absolutely did not know me...but that's another story. He asked me if I really was blogging about him. Um, yes. And it wasn't even bad! All I had written about was our great first date. I had made him sound like a Prince, because at that point, I thought he was.
As I crammed all sorts of things I didn't really need into my car I thanked him for returning my precious (totally replaceable) belongings. He walked to his door as I got into the car and stopped and turned and asked me if that was all. I asked him what he wanted me to say. He told me I could at least say good bye. I realized I had said Good Bye months ago, just not to his face, or to myself.
As I closed my door he pouted and walked into his house in a huff. I reminded myself that he's a total people pleaser. He can't stand to have people unhappy with him. I think he wanted to be friends. He just LOVES staying friends with his exes. (Especially the married ones...again, another classy story). But you can't be friends with someone you've never had a friendship with. He went from stranger, to my boy friend, then back to stranger. How did he think that I could have anything more to say to him? My stuff was out of his life, and so was I.

Is There Something on my Face?

So I met my blind date. Being the demanding, selfish diva I am I requested a place 5 minutes from my house at a lake so I could at least have my dog exercised if the date was a flop. I brought a glass of wine for myself in a water bottle to get me through. In my defense I also brought him a can of Lucky in a Sprite can cover. Within 2 minutes I knew he was different. He didn't give me the up down look, or at least didn't get caught doing it, he offered to help me with my handful of a dog and his truck was filthy. I seem to have a thing for dirty duallys, or clean trucks, whatever. I had a great time talking to him, he threw a stick for my dog, we skipped rocks, and not once was I creeped out at all.
When he invited me to his house for blender drinks I jumped at the offer. Again, I had a great time with him. We hung out in the sun, chatted, ate. We had really similar values and outlooks. He didn't seem to be too bothered by the loaf of garlic bread I inhaled. This was going well! Too well...he must be unavailable somehow.
I had one too many blender drinks to drive, and when he said my dog and I were both welcome to spend the night I said yes. Eventually we went to his king sized bed and slept., or passed out. As I said, there were many blender drinks. In the morning I left to meet my lunch plans. He hugged me good bye, we exchanged numbers and he invited me back to his place that afternoon. All without ever kissing me, that hug was the only time he touched me at all. What. The. F*CK?
I was confused. Was there something on my face? Had I said something wrong? Was it just a pity invite and was he just not that into me? Who knows how this one is going to turn out...

Oh You Aren't Available? Then I want you!

Every once and a while I will admit that I am single because I am a little self sabotaging. I am instantly attracted to the most unavailable men. I had gone to a girlfriends Birthday dinner and sat beside her very cute brother. He was funny, nice, sweet, cute, absolutely everything I am looking for. We spent the whole night chatting, laughing and when I left I wanted to see him again. I ended up messaging my friend a few hours later and asked her to give him my number. He messaged me. We texted constantly for the next few days, but here's the thing: He lives in Alberta. He has a home there, a career there, a child there, and a crazy ex wife who will always be in his life there. After a few weeks I broke off our SMS relationship. He's not available in person, so he's not available.
A few days after that I was relaxing in the hot tub at my gym (I joined a gym for the year round heated outdoor pool and hot tub), when I spied a SUPER hot guy working out. At first I judged a little, he was wearing a V-neck T-shirt, but when he got into the hot tub sans V-neck all was forgiven. We made eye contact, he smiled, and I knew instantly he was perfect for me. I spent the next couple of days telling all my friends about how hot V-neck and how I was going to see him again. And I did see him again, on the internet, in an article about Canada's first Bachelor, the TV show. Yes, another very unavailable man I was attracted to.
One sunny Sunday shortly after I was enjoying reading "If He's Not the One, Who Is?!" poolside, getting good use of my gym membership, minding my own business when a cute, young boy approached me. He asked me to join his friend and him for a drink. As I turned to look at him I removed my ridiculously over sized sunglasses. I knew this kid! Of course I did!! Not only am I attracted to unavailable men, I attract inappropriate ones. While I did accept the invitation and have a great time enjoying beverages in the sun with him and his cute, also very young, friend, I knew the universe was trying to tell me something. Three such events so close together just drove it home: I'm done with dating...again.
Well, until next weekend, I did just agree to a blind date next...

Catch Up

Oh hello, it's been a while...

I had written a few posts, but never pressed publish. I was scared too. Scared to let the guy I was seeing know who I really was I guess. But I'm back, again. So here you go, more stories of my hardships and unfortunate dating life. The next couple of posts aren't recent, but they are how I got to where I am today, so they've got to be posted. I've poured a glass of wine, honest, just one, and now I'm pressing publish.

Have fun playing catch up, I know I am ;)

What Should I have Said?

As a single girl I get all sorts of messages. Let me give you a sample from a Facebook Friend:

Feb 22: Hey beautiful (Me, no response)
Mar 11: U were looking really good the other day sexy! Hope all is well? We should have a drink or grab something to eat sometime? Well talk to you later. Cheers (I had driven through his work parking lot with my brother and waved. I did not respond to this message)
Mar 14: Hello sexy! (Again, I shockingly did not answer)
Apr 2: Hello ***... You never return my messages beautiful? Are we still homies or what? Lol what's ur number ? Get back to me for once would ya... 250-***-**** hope all is well?
Cheers **** (This time I answered with:)
Apr 2: They're just usually inappropriate, so I ignore them.

Was I offside? Getting messages from someone you used to work with calling you beautiful and sexy and asking me for a drink or something to eat just weirds me out.  I'm not at all interested in him, so what should I have said? Was ignoring them the wrong thing to do? I've gotten others that I've ignored too, 6 just as uncomfortable in the last 2 months from others. I thought not answering was just like not making eye contact and walking away in real life. Wrong? Obviously. Why do they send these messages in the first place?! If someone knows what I've been doing to attract unwanted messages from people I thought were friends please let me know. I'd love to stop such behavior. Like on Saturday...

I went out with a girl friend to eat some pub fare and play music bingo. (BYOBD next time! Bring your own Bingo Dabbers!) We were having a good time, talking about how our exes are ridiculous, debating whether I should message a guy or wait for him to process recent events, discovering we both went out with the same (really nice but we just weren't attracted to him) guy we met on a dating website, just generally enjoying our Saturday night. Then, WHAMMO, this guy came up to the table and starting talking to us. I knew him, well, I knew his twin brother. I told him I knew his brother, yet he still hung out at our table for hours! It was a little entertaining for a while but his friends were wasted, one fell asleep at a table, and that's not the night we were into. My friend drove home (she only had 2 drinks all night, amazing will power!) and I walked home with my dog (yes, he does come everywhere). As I carried my gold glittery heels in one hand and flowers from a drunk stranger in the other I wondered, what made him sit there ALL night with us? Neither one of us waved him over, neither one of us were leaving with him, so why? Our fine city has six women to every man, did he not know this? Or were we just that fabulous? What vibe do we put off to attract this? What should I have said to make him not stay there all night? (Even though he did help out a little at music bingo, and his drunk friend did buy us flowers and stuffed animals that our dogs loved! ha!) Is there rules? Is there a script? Did I miss a memo?!

As I sit here, alone with my dog, drinking a glass of wine, I can't help but think of all the things I wish I had said to men in the past. From "F*ck Off" to "I'm Sorry" I should have said it all, but I haven't always been that open. I never regret anything that made me smile, so I don't regret not saying these things, but boys be warned: I'll now be telling you exactly what I'm thinking and feeling. Never ask a question you don't want the answer too...

Lost in Translation

So what I say is not always what I mean. Shocking huh? Since I'm a big believer in actions speaking louder than words I just assume people know what I'm thinking and feeling. Aren't you all mind readers?! Now I do agree, sometimes I'm pushing it. How is anyone supposed to know that an invite to my Birthday dinner was actually me asking why we don't spend more nights together? But some are pretty obvious, I thought... So, here's a little translation of my more commonly used phrases just so we're all on the same page.

What I Say	What I Mean
"Sure, what ever you want."	"Seriously?! Fine, but I'm going to remember this..."
"I need a snack."	"I need food NOW, or someone will DIE, and you're closest."
"Hopefully you can meet my friends."	"I want more of you in my life and can't wait for my friends to think you're as great as I do!"
"What are you doing this weekend?"	"You better not be going out with another girl."
"I could have a cocktail!"	"I may get wasted. I'm single, why not?!"
"I'm tired."	"I need food NOW, or someone will DIE, and you're closest."
"I want to go to Vegas."	"I'm going to Vegas."
"Go away."	"I'm so done with you and your sh*t if I see you on the road I will run you down."
"Isn't Mac the cutest?"	"My dog is #1 in my life, don't try to change that, ever."
"I need a hot tub."	"I need a hot tub, a massage, and a snack, immediately."
"I'm fine."	"If you can't figure it out read my Twitter feed, ugggg."
"I should eat..."	"I need food NOW, or someone will DIE, and you're closest."

So I get hungry. Big deal. I carry snacks in my purse because of it. I know I should be more open and say what I mean instead of just thinking and acting it, perhaps in 2013. This year is just so jam packed already. In the mean time: I should eat!

The "C" Word

So big surprise, 2012 hasn't been going according to plan. Typing my goals was such a great idea, I put them all out there for everyone to see. It's almost freaking April...I've only been to one yoga class this year, read half of 4 books, and forgot about the video blog all together until 5 seconds ago! I have drank different wine (lots of it) with friends, I have gone out with my friends (mostly with wine too), I've called my out of town bff's a few times. The one thing I've done really well is trip planning. I have two trips to Vegas booked and one to the Stampede. (By the way: I think the Stampede is like Vegas, what happens there stays there, so don't expect any posts about it.) I guess I'm on the right track, but my expectations of myself are clearly high. I am working an excessive amount right now so I should give myself a little leeway, fine. 2012 is right on track! So what could possibly derail it?!
Yes, a boy. Isn't it always a boy?! I'm not placing blame, there is none to place. I'm just...sayin'. Technically I'm single, but my heart is taken by someone I can't call my own. Why? Because I can't admit I c@re. Ug, I can't even type it. So I guess there is blame, it's my fault! He's patient, smart, fun, thoughtful, cute, funny, responsible, respectful and I could go on. He makes me want to miss work just to see him. He's fantastic. Does he know I think this? No. Again, because I can't admit I c@re. I guess what I'm saying is one day I'm going to tell him I c@re about him, and once that's out there I have to make sure I don't lose track of what I still want to do with my year. My wine is important. Oh, so is the travel, yoga, reading, video blogging and my friends, obviously! I guess I can add more things to my 2012 To Do List. And maybe The "C" Word  should be one of them...

Lost and Found

Last night I was somewhere where I found three items that I had left behind; a tea towel, a hanger and a pillow case. Three very replaceable items. Why didn't I just replace them? Because I didn't even know I had lost them. This got me thinking about what else had I lost with out knowing. No, I didn't run to my sock drawer and make sure they are all paired. (I know they are. I have sock OCD) I was up all night thinking about what I've found in myself during the last few months. I've made a little list.

Knowing what the f*ck I want. Not always for dinner, but out of life.

Confidence. I used to go everywhere by myself, but I haven't felt like I could walk into a room alone in a long time. High five to me. I can now go out again alone, including leaving my comfort zone of "LA".

Independence. This one is kind of bizarre, but I found out I still hate to take my garbage out. But, I can. And that's something.

Reliability. People can now depend on me again to be there, because I'm not in Boy Friend Land. That Land takes a lot of my friends.

Setting Goals. I rediscovered that feeling of meeting goals I set. I love that! When did I lose that? Why did I lose that??

Fun. Did I lose fun or am I just having more fun now? I'm not sure, and I don't care. I'm fun.

I really enjoy the things I found, and I'm looking forward to finding more. Never regret anything that made you smile...so if you do lose something, no matter how or why, just appreciate finding it.

All About Me

I always write about the sh*t that goes on in my life. I always write about how I react to it. I never write all about me. What do you really know about me, besides the bad luck I have with men? This is my blog. I feel like being selfish. I'm going to tell you All About Me. Somethings you may know already, but hopefully you'll learn something.

• My favorite color is purple. But most people assume its pink. 
• I just got an iPhone, and I love it. Since I'm scared of change I still have, and use, my BlackBerry too. One day I'll only have one phone. When I moved back from Toronto it took me almost two years to get a local phone number. It takes time for me to accept and trust change.
• I slept on an air mattress for years. Afraid of commitment, I liked the ability to be able to deflate and fold my life into my SUV. I bought a mattress set over a year ago and a beautiful bed frame recently. No longer am I afraid to commit. Also, no longer do I have an SUV, so I'd have to rent a moving truck anyway!
• The books on my night stand: Last months's Cosmo, Little Book of Moksha Yoga, He's Just Not That Into You, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
• The books on my coffee table: This month's Cosmo, MWF seeking BFF, Law of Attraction. Yes, I like to read.
• Supernatural DVD's are usually always in my DVD player. I own all the seasons. I was an X Files fan too. Don't judge me. There really are some things that can't be explained. 
• If I watch a movie its one of three: The Sweetest Thing, My Best Friends Wedding or Jerry Maguire. The first one is great. The other two are classics, and remind me of good times with great friends.
• I like mirrors. I grew up in a dance studio surrounded by them. I think they brighten a room up. Art is ok, but mirrors are like live art. 
• I spoil my dog. He runs the show in my house. He doesn't sleep on my bed though, he has three of his own. 
• I love hot rods. The louder the better. The faster the better. I love trucks too. 
• Vegas is my favorite vacation spot. I just booked a ticket there for my Birthday weekend.
• I believe in Love at first sight. It's happened to me, twice. I can't wait till it happens again. 
• I believe in Karma. You get back what you give.
• I always keep a bag packed just in case someone says "Get in the car, we're going to ***, now". I have a passport and I'm not afraid to use it!
• Talk is cheap. Actions speak louder than words. I think you should always do what you say and mean what you do. 
• I'd move anywhere hot in a heartbeat. Flip flops can't be beat. 
• In a perfect world I wouldn't work. I'd just volunteer and fund raise all day. Since real life is different than a perfect world, I have more than one job and volunteer and fund raise in my "spare" time. 
• I forgive, but never forget. 
• I'm loyal and devoted. My friends are everything. And I'd do anything for them.
• I like Moksha Yoga because it's hard for me. Not physically hard, I'm more than flexible and strong enough, but mentally hard. Slowing my self down and clearing my mind for a whole class is tough. I once let myself go so much in class I cried. I thought it was sweat at first, then realized I was crying.
• I have a full time day job, I teach dance in the evenings and sometimes I work at a cocktail lounge. If I had to pick one, I couldn't. Well it wouldn't be the lounge...
• Never give me an ultimatum. You will lose.
• I never regret anything that made me smile. 
• I don't know what I want to be doing in five years, and that doesn't bother me. All I know is that I'm enjoying now. 

 What do you want to know about me? Email me at charmed@charmedandsingle.com.

The Glass isn't Half Full, it's Empty.

I'm having a hard time getting over TBM. Not because I want to get back together, but because I feel I wasted a whole year of my life. What do I have to show for our year together? Besides a beautiful Tiffany & Co. hand engraved with the word "Charmed" bracelet, what did I get from our relationship? He got a devoted live in girl friend who worshiped him and did everything she could to make his life easier and fun. He got constant forgiveness and unconditional love. He got someone who was willing to sacrifice anything and everything for the good of the relationship. I got a bracelet?? As I thought more about this I got pretty bitter, then I realized I got a few other things too...

A kick ass Guacamole recipe! TBM makes hands down THE BEST guacamole. It's fantastic. And I know how to make it! I'd never thought of making my own guac, you can buy that stuff, but now I can! And it's so good!! I'll absolutely give you the recipe, or make you a batch. It goes great with tequila!

A little spice in my life! I used to have the most bland diet. When I lived in Toronto I ate all sorts of amazing foods. When I moved back to the Island I reverted back to meat and potatoes. The restaurant selection here just isn't good! TBM showed me I like burritos, and that I can make them my self if I have too! I can also cook my regular bland food with jalapenos (or serrano's if I screw up! They look similar...) I would have never tried them with out him. I know, you're thinking "Wow, all food related, that's so deep." but I'm currently hungry, and those two just came out first!

My friends will always be there. No matter how many times I annoyed my friends with the short comings of our relationship they were there. After we broke up I stayed with one of my friends for a few days. My dog and my tears showed up with no notice and I was welcomed with open arms, not just by her, but by her bf too. They didn't care what a mess I was, they were just there and let me be me. My friends have always been the same, awesome. Sure my relationship status, address and lifestyle has changed but they are still my friends, and always will be.

A new friend. When I first met his cousin I thought of her as his cousin. She was quiet and nothing like me. She's very sweet, a little quiet, and our life experiences are not a like at all. We've had very different relationships, work history, and family life (she's an only child). I used to think of her as TBM's cousin. Now shes my friend. She's proven to be a very solid sounding board, even though she's going through some major changes and issues of her own. She's been loyal, honest and straight forward. She loves wine, just like I do! She has her own opinion and tells me. When a mutual friend of ours did something shady I made a comment about this bitch. She said "I like (this bitch)" showing she is loyal to all her friends. She doesn't take sides, but sees all of them. Even though she is his cousin, she's been a good friend, and I'm glad to have met her and got to know her.

What I want in life, and relationships. He doesn't want to get married. I do. I also am open to having ONE child (and not raise it like his all organic consuming, judgemental, narrow minded sister raises her 'golden children'. They're the most talented, beautiful, do-no-wrong, brilliant kids in the world, ask her, or him for that matter.) I don't want to go to the bar and stay out all night. I want a house with a yard for my dog. I want to know my bf wants the same things I do. I like my job, and want to be with someone who is satisfied with their career too, not constantly bitching but doing nothing about it. When I set a goal I make sure I reach it. I want to be with someone who also sets, and reaches their goals.

So I did get a few good things out of our relationship, more than a bracelet, but what are the best things about parting ways with TBM? 

Knowing I'm not alone, even though I'm not part of a couple. One of the worst parts of this break up was feeling so alone. I didn't have anyone to make dinner for, so I didn't eat. I didn't have anyone to go out with, so I stayed in bed all weekend. Alright, I'm still sort of doing both these things but at least I don't feel so alone anymore. I have a friend who watches terrible reality TV with me, even though she's a few time zones away. I have a friend who BBM's or Tweets me a simple "Keep your chin up" so I know shes thinking of me. I have a friend who makes sure I eat, even if she has to bring me food to work. She also asks how I'm doing every day, and that in itself makes me feel I'm not alone.

I get to blog! I like to write about my adventures. I have ridiculous adventures. Did you know I went to the Play Boy Mansion for Halloween? How about that I spent a weekend with Shannon Tweed and Gene Simmons? No you didn't, because I had a bf who was so rattled by me doing fun things with out him I couldn't share them with any one. I couldn't enjoy them as much as I should have. I had to down play the fact that I was really excited about these things. I was excited about things that didn't always include him. And that is OK!! So far I've got two adventures planned. A road trip to see a country music concert in February and Vegas in April for my Birthday. You can bet I'll be sharing some details about these trips! Well, maybe not the Vegas one...

So while the glass of our relationship is very empty, the bottle of my life is full. And the tasting notes on this bottle: Fucking Awesome.

Wine is my New Boy Friend

I have more than enough stories of The Bed Makers poor decisions to write a book. From midnight walks with unattractive fitness instructors to emailing ex flames in other countries saying I wasn't the one "but she'll do till you're ready" this beauty has done it all to me. He texted many a young girl, took one skiing while I looked after his dog, tried to hide his ex's phone number in his phone under his work number, went away with his classy friends where they cheated on their wives and girlfriends. He lied about stupid things, he lied about major things, he lied about a lot of things, but never about loving me. He tells me still he wants to work on us and be with me, but he claims he's damaged and needs to sort him self out. He comes over, does my dishes, folds my laundry then tells me he's interested in someone else, after spending the evening with me. Then he refuses to leave, and spends the night cuddling me. The moment things got rough with us he rekindles his friendship with his boring, overly conservative, extremely cheap ex. (The one he lied to about me, and me about her) I could go on and on about the crap he's done, but why? The Bed Maker is officially my ex-boyfriend. It sucks to admit that. It sucks to know I'd take him back in a half a heartbeat. It sucks the most to just want him to be happy, even if it's with some flakey trollop who could never care for him like I can. I'd just prefer him to be happy. So enough of dwelling on his indiscretions, I've let them all go. I know it was never about me, it was always his garbage. I clearly deserved better treatment than I got, and I expect going forward I will be treated better. I already have my new love interest in my sites...

It's wine. Wine is my new boy friend. Wine is always there when I need it. I can get many varieties of wine. Red, sparkling, white, cheap, expensive, young or old. I can have lots of wine, or just a taste. I am in control with wine. If I want to feel bad the next day about my night with wine, I can, I just have to order that second bottle! If I want to feel fantastic, I just get a rare bottle and enjoy it with friends. That's the best part about my new boy friend...my friends LOVE it too!! I don't get "oh, you can do better" because I can't!! I never hear from a friend of a friends dog groomer that MY wine has been canoodling some chick at a Saanich restaurant/pub, because MY wine doesn't go to such scum bag, skank filled establishments! My wine is where ever I am. it doesn't go out without me! My wine likes to join me at nice restaurants. My wine would never stay out all night with its friends, then get a ride home with a slutty single mother (who's slept with more than one of his friends) at 4 am with no shoes because he's thrown them into a tree. Who throws a shoe, let alone two!! And I digress... Lets bring this back to what this is about: Wine.

Since I'm back to being Charmed and Single I hope you'll read my adventures with wine. And Qoola. I love that stuff. I hope you'll all hold me accountable for the list of things I'm planning on doing this year, as Charmed and Single. Share what your 2012 goals are with me! I'll help you out with them if you help me with mine!!
My 2012 Things To Do

• Drink a different bottle of wine once a month with a friend. Probably eat cheese with said wine. Or steak. Meat is fantastic.
• Attend one Moksha Yoga class a month. While I am teaching about 14 hours a week this year on top of my full time day job and part time bartending job I really feel yoga is needed in my life. Once a month is possible!
• Call my out of town friends. Not BBM, not text, CALL. At least once a month. My out of town friends have proven to be the most loyal, supportive, encouraging and positive people in my life. They deserve more.
• Read a new book every month. I usually read one anyway. But I'm hoping you'll share what you're reading, then I can read it too, and we can get together and talk about it...with wine.
• Once a month: Girls night. OK, guys can come too. But once a month get my friends together and do something. Probably with wine. I tend to work and hide in bed instead of being social. This needs to stop!
• Las Vegas. April 5th to 9th and in December. Happy Birthday to me in April! You're all welcome to join me.
• Do one Video Blog. YIKES! This one scares me. It's so much easier to hide behind the letters! Topic ideas for this?? Share! Help me out!

Happy New Year! I hope 2012 is amazing for everyone. If it is the last year the world turns, lets make the most of it!! XOXO

Mission Hill Family Estates Cellar. A-Maz-ing. Anyone up for a road trip this summer?

Priorities

I love the saying "Never make someone a priority who only thinks of you as an option". What a great idea! Why waste energy and time one someone who isn't interested in reciprocating, unless it suits them? I have been really busy, apparently having a BF does that to a girl, so I've been treating myself as an option. How ridiculous is that?! I've spent so much time making sure my relationship and boyfirend are happy that I forgot about me! I'm an ingredient in the relationship so I need to keep my self happy too.
After staring at my flip flop feet while sitting on the couch I decided that I needed my boring toes painted. As I went for the box of paints and glitter I have I thought of my colour options. There was that dirty "O" word again! Then, I made my toes, and myself a priority...I went out and got a pedicure! My feet were soaked, rubbed, moisturised, polished and made a priority. It only took half an hour to bring me back to me, just in time for summer!

OK vrs. No Way

Every month Cosmo has a section called Sexy vrs. Skanky outlining acceptable sexy things vrs. unforgivable skanky things, like "Taking another Stars arm" vrs. "Grabbing another Stars crotch". Get it? It's a cute way of letting people know social boundaries and acceptable behaviors. I thought I'd share with you the boyfriend version: OK vrs. No Way!

OK                      vrs.                           No Way!
Watching the game with the boys           Using the game as an excuse
                                                            to spend the night at the
                                                            bar
Talking to people                                   Taking girls phone numbers
                                                            that you spent the night
                                                            chatting with
Unfriending your ex on FB                      Emailing your ex, just
                                                            to catch up
Having your GF in your profile pic           Untagging your self in your
                                                            GF's pics
Telling the truth                                      Making your GF feel crazy
                                                             for being upset about
                                                             a fight

Sounds simple right? Maybe some boyfriends need a guideline how to not cross a line and upset their girlfriends just like some women need a reminder about wearing panties with a mini skirt. Well here is a good start for those men! Pass it on, share it with your friends, comment on it! I'd love to hear your OK vrs. No Way! guidelines.

Where to look?

I started a new job this week in a small office. There is just two of us out front, myself and another girl a bit younger than I. Seeing as how we both were born and raised on this Island in the middle of the Pacific we know quite a few of the same people. It's bound to happen. She's nice and we chat while we are working. She is single, and has been for quite a while. Why you ask? This island makes it hard to meet people. I had to resort to online dating. She feels there are far too  many freaks out there. I absolutely agree, but I didn't know where else to meet men, so I had to weed out the freaks. So where does a smart, fun, successful, good looking girl in her 20's or early 30's meet a man other that cyber space? Here's some ideas for you ladies!

The Dog Park: Dog owners will talk to anyone, and it's automatically something you have in common so it's easy to break the ice. Don't have a dog? Borrow one. I'll lend you mine. You can tell that cute guy with the floppy eared Lab you'll lint roll the dog hair off him after dinner.

The Gym: Try to find a gym that does not have a separate mens/ladies zone. Go to a gym you know will have guys your age and check the activities calendar. Royal Roads University Recreation Center has floor hockey on Monday nights, it's jam packed with cute boys! Jump on the treadmill and ask the hottie next to you what he's got loaded on his IPod. Not feeling that brave? At least you've gotten a good work out and you'll feel good about your self!

Parties: I'm not talking about the average party at your friends house you go to every weekend, I'm talking the FaceBook invite for an acquaintances Birthday Party at the Karaoke Bar you would never go to. You will obviously know at least one person, but in true Vancouver Island style you'll more than likely know at least four people. You never know who may be there, and at the very least you'll reconnect with an old friend, and maybe make a new one!

In Class: I'm not talking College or University classes. But sign up for a class of some sort. WestShore Parks and Recreation has lots of classes, curling, aquatic kickboxing, intro to wood working and even a class on how to use your IPhone or IPod! What about taking golf lessons with Matt at Highland Pacific golf course? I love this golf course, you will too. Why not meet a man while doing something fun, somewhere fantastic and learning a new skill? It's an all around win!

Those are a few things I'd suggest, any other suggestions please feel free to leave a comment! Let's help all our single and fabulous friends find that special someone!

Happy Birthday Sea Breeze!

In February I said yes to every invite. I wouldn't have said no to my friend anyway! The plan was flawless, dinner at a steak house, a visit to the games room for darts and closing out the night with a session at The Fox. So, how did it go...

We show up, on time, for our reservation. Ric's Grill was not ready for us. The 10 of us had to sit on the 3 chairs in the waiting area while our table was prepared. We were not promptly greeted, nor offered beverages in a timely manor. When our lack luster server finally came to us I was starving, and when i get hungry, it's ugly. I ordered two beverages, one I requested with my meal and an appy while everyone decided what they wanted. The menu is great, lots of options and reasonable price points. We enjoyed the room while we waited for our drinks. Good thing its a nice room, the drinks took forever. So long in fact my appy arrived before any ones drinks. When our drinks did get to our table they were auctioned off in a cheap Pizza Hut "WHO HAD THE DIET?" style. Not the service you would expect. Both of mine showed up at the same time too, not as requested, brutal. The glass of sparkling was great ($7) and the Dancing Bull Red Zinfandel ($9) was, as always, adequate. My appy was delicious! Ahi Tuna Carpaccio ($13.95) seasoned with Cajun spices and a ginger wasabi butter. I couldn't identify the Cajun spice but the mild wasabi butter was great and complimented well with the capers. I would absolutely order this again. Eventually our mains showed up, you could see the servers counting seats as they brought the plates out. I was glad we had gotten passed the auction service. Sea Breeze's plate was delivered, upside down. Last time I checked the protein was served at six o'clock, not eleven forty five. Mine was presented as a Filet with Cognac Cream Sauce. I ordered a 6 oz Sirloin ($20.95) with Oscar Deluxe Topping ($9.95). The plate in front of me was obviously not a filet, they come wrapped in bacon. The lack of knowledge, enthusiasm and service standards was ridiculous. Glad to have what I ordered, even though it was delivered all wrong, I dug in. The scallops and prawns were great. The asparagus and other veg on the plate were undercooked. While I liked them that way I know some people like their veggies cooked, so just an FYI. The steak was small, and not medium rare, but rare. I like rare, so again, their screw up was fine by me! Our plates were cleared eventually by stacking them in one huge pile. I actually expected the server to scrape all the scraps onto one plate for the dog just like at Grandmas. I don't know about you, but plates should come off a table as they go on, one at a time! I have a Creme Brule fetish and when "super" server finally returned I requested some. He absolutely had no interest in selling us anything, there was not one offer of an additional drink so I was glad I ordered two right off the hop! The Creme Brule flavour was vanilla, while boring, I was looking very forward to it. About five minutes after ordering a random person we had never seen arrived asking who ordered the Creme Brule. I put up my hand, and he advised me they were all out of the Bailey's flavour and would it be ok if they served me Blueberry. Uh, NO!! First of all when did Bailey's happen?? And secondly, Blueberry? Ick. At this point I was thirsty, now annoyed and just wanted out anyway. Our bills took forever. We were very clear who was with who so it should not have been an issue, and they were all correct, when they eventually arrived. I filled out my service survey advising of my disappointment but I still tipped, hoping our server will now have enough to get on the ferry, move and go ruin someone elses night in another city. My total bill for myself was $68.15 taxes in plus tip. It would have been worth it had the service been remotely acceptable. Thanks "Matt". Ahhhh, moving on...

We Walked up to the Games Room at The Sticky Wicket at The Strathcona Hotel. It was so busy there was no getting a table! Saturday night in Victoria there really isn't much else to do so this was expected. Our attempt to play darts was dashed by the volume of people playing. We regrouped and made arrangements to head to The Fox for part three of the evening.

We found a table in the over full show room. The entertainment was good, company was better and over all I had a great time. I had the dogs in the truck so I left at a reasonable hour and went to meet TBM at the casino for a drink and some slot machine fun. This was my favorite part of the night. I was glad I went out, and I hope Sea Breeze had a fun Birthday.

I would go to Ric's Grill again, but in a smaller group. Maybe ten people was just too much for poor Matt. I'd like to spend a night in the games room too, it had a good vibe, so I'll have to make an effort to get there earlier one day. And every night at The Fox is a good one...so you know you'll see me there again! Happy Birthday Sea Breeze!! xo

The Ex Factor

Can you, and should you, be friends with your ex when you are dating someone new? Ask almost anyone, and they will say no. I say, it depends.

Reasons to not be freinds:

• It upsets your current relationship. I have a few ex's I am civil with, and when I am dating someone, if it makes them uncomfortable, I alter my interactions with them. I no longer call or text them daily, I don't have meals with them, and I make sure I let them know I'm seeing someone who I care about. It's a respect thing, and since I respect my current relationship I make sure I do everything to make them comfortable. 
• It leads your ex on. Until your ex realizes you are actually with someone else they think there is always a chance you'll get back together. This isn't fair to you, your ex, or the person you are currently dating. Being friends with them leaves their foot in the door, so kick it out.
• Poison.  Your ex knows you really well, and knows whats best for you, right? I mean, they put up with you and looked after you for how long?? Look at all they went through with you, why wouldn't they know whats best? Right? Wrong. Their opinion is just that, an opinion. And it should stay in their heads, and not be put into yours. You may say it won't affect your decisions, but honestly, it's poison, a slow acting poison working to ruin your happiness. And it's not just your happiness at stake here, your new relationship deserves more.
• It's hard to move on. If you have a constant reminder of all the happy times and laughs you had together you can never truly give yourself to your new relationship. Keeping the memories in the past, with your ex is the best way to appreciate what you did have, how it made you grow, and what you can do differently in your next relationship.

Now the good stuff, the reasons to be friends with your ex! 

• You want your ex back. So obviously you shouldn't be dating anyone else, should you?

Well as you can see I'm absolutely hell bent against being friends with your ex. I know it's a very small world and I am not saying don't be a total dick to them, I'm just saying don't be friends. Being civil when you see them in public is good, posting on their FaceBook profile weekly is bad. Asking about their family when you run into them is good, making a lunch date to catch up and fill them in on your second cousins hang nail is bad. You see where I'm going with this? If you really want to give your new relationship a chance, don't do it.

Forgiveness and Love: When it's not enough, and when it is.

 I'm really forgiving. I believe in unconditional love, second chances and that people can, and will, change themselves if they want to. All I want is honesty. The truth is the only real and undeniable thing in this world, that's why it's so important to me. No matter what happens as long as I get the truth I can forgive, and forget.
I dated a guy that I think cheated on me when he went out of town. I didn't want to know for sure, so I never asked, I just accepted that he was who he was, and I loved him for him. I never tried to change him, I fell for him, not who he could be, but who he was. I've heard "to forgive without requiring the other to change is not only self-destructive, but ensures a dysfunctional relationship will remain so by continually rewarding mistreatment" but I don't think so. I was happy with him, when he was with me I was his girlfriend, no one else was. He never lied to me, he just never came out and told me his "mistakes". He was a fantastic boyfriend, who I just didn't love enough. I ended it when I realized that. He wanted more, and I was happy just being his girlfriend. He was a great guy, just not the one for me. I thought he deserved someone who would give up anything for him, go to all lengths to be with him and keep him happy, because that's what I want.
Being honest, forgiving mistakes, trust, loving someone for who they are and sacrificing are some of the most important things to me. I'm willing to give all that, and more, and believe it will all come back to me. Happiness is a journey, not a destination, and I'm loving the ride!

The "But We Really Are Dating" Excuse

I love the book "He's Just Not That Into You". It's helped me see I'm not the only one in the world that has problems with men. I like to know I'm not the only one who has no idea what the hell I am doing, and that I am not the only one who screws it up. If you aren't familiar with the book let me give you a quick run down: the authors, Greg and Liz, have letters from women in some sort of 'relationship'. They write and describe their issue, but usually it sounds like an excuse for the man they are 'dating'. Greg and Liz write back and tell it how it is to these women, then give some advice. I was thinking that I was really happy that I knew the guy I'm seeing is into me, for once I didn't have to consult the book to see what I was doing wrong. I know he's into me, we spend almost every night together, we go out to events and he invites me out with his friends. He doesn't want the pressure of having a girlfriend and that's ok, I know he's only seeing me, we talked about it. I was having a bad day and wanted to read something that makes me feel good so I pulled out my tattered copy of "He's Just Not That Into You". I made it all the way to chapter three before my heart dropped and I almost threw it across the room. Let me share the section I had read.

"Dear Greg,
I've been dating a guy for three months. We spend four or five night a week together. We go to events together. He calls me when he's going to and never flakes out on me. We're having a great time. He recently informed me that he doesn't want to be anyone's boyfriend and isn't ready for a serious relationship. But I know he's not dating anyone else. I think he's just scared of the term 'boyfriend.' Greg I'm always hearing that women should listen to a man's actions, not their words. So doesn't that mean that I should just ignore him and be secure in the fact he wants to spend all this time with me-that no matter what he's actually saying, the truth is he's really into me?
Keisha

Dear Not Listening,
I looked up 'I don't want to be your boyfriend' in the Relationship Dictionary, just to make sure I wasn't mistaken, but I was right. It still means 'I don't want to be your boyfriend.' Wow. And this coming from the guy who's spending four or five nights a week with you. That must hurt. Nice to know your not-boyfriend gets to live in your world commitment-free. Not quite sure what you're getting. If you want to give all that time to a guy who's proclaiming he's not your boyfriend, then go ahead. But I'd hope that you'd at least go find someone who wasn't saying to your face, 'I'm just not that into you.'

Men, just like women, like to feel emotionally protected when a relationship starts to become serious. One way they do is by laying claim to it. They actually want to say 'I'm your boyfriend' or 'I'd like to be your boyfriend' or 'If you ever break up with the other guy who's not your boyfriend, I'd like to be your boyfriend.' A man who's really into you is going to want you all to himself. And why wouldn't he, hot stuff?"

Uhmmmm, did I write that letter and send it to Greg??? WTF!?!?! Isn't Keisha's letter EXACTLY what I had been thinking for the last few weeks! While fighting the urge to shred my book and mail every scrap back to Greg and Liz, I took a breath, my situation was different, wasn't it? No it isn't. It's exactly the same. And their advice is legit. I know there is a guy out there who wants to be my boyfriend, but am I going to want him? I have rules for men I have as by boyfriends, I don't just give anyone that title. Usually, I'm just not that into him. So many questions, no good answers. I'm done asking these questions I already know the answers too. If you've got an excuse for the man you're "dating, sort of, or what ever" let me know what it is, I bet it's in the book, or I've used it. We are all dating the same guy...the one that's just not that into us. Just be glad you aren't alone.