The Glass isn't Half Full, it's Empty.

I'm having a hard time getting over TBM. Not because I want to get back together, but because I feel I wasted a whole year of my life. What do I have to show for our year together? Besides a beautiful Tiffany & Co. hand engraved with the word "Charmed" bracelet, what did I get from our relationship? He got a devoted live in girl friend who worshiped him and did everything she could to make his life easier and fun. He got constant forgiveness and unconditional love. He got someone who was willing to sacrifice anything and everything for the good of the relationship. I got a bracelet?? As I thought more about this I got pretty bitter, then I realized I got a few other things too...

A kick ass Guacamole recipe! TBM makes hands down THE BEST guacamole. It's fantastic. And I know how to make it! I'd never thought of making my own guac, you can buy that stuff, but now I can! And it's so good!! I'll absolutely give you the recipe, or make you a batch. It goes great with tequila!

A little spice in my life! I used to have the most bland diet. When I lived in Toronto I ate all sorts of amazing foods. When I moved back to the Island I reverted back to meat and potatoes. The restaurant selection here just isn't good! TBM showed me I like burritos, and that I can make them my self if I have too! I can also cook my regular bland food with jalapenos (or serrano's if I screw up! They look similar...) I would have never tried them with out him. I know, you're thinking "Wow, all food related, that's so deep." but I'm currently hungry, and those two just came out first!

My friends will always be there. No matter how many times I annoyed my friends with the short comings of our relationship they were there. After we broke up I stayed with one of my friends for a few days. My dog and my tears showed up with no notice and I was welcomed with open arms, not just by her, but by her bf too. They didn't care what a mess I was, they were just there and let me be me. My friends have always been the same, awesome. Sure my relationship status, address and lifestyle has changed but they are still my friends, and always will be.

A new friend. When I first met his cousin I thought of her as his cousin. She was quiet and nothing like me. She's very sweet, a little quiet, and our life experiences are not a like at all. We've had very different relationships, work history, and family life (she's an only child). I used to think of her as TBM's cousin. Now shes my friend. She's proven to be a very solid sounding board, even though she's going through some major changes and issues of her own. She's been loyal, honest and straight forward. She loves wine, just like I do! She has her own opinion and tells me. When a mutual friend of ours did something shady I made a comment about this bitch. She said "I like (this bitch)" showing she is loyal to all her friends. She doesn't take sides, but sees all of them. Even though she is his cousin, she's been a good friend, and I'm glad to have met her and got to know her.

What I want in life, and relationships. He doesn't want to get married. I do. I also am open to having ONE child (and not raise it like his all organic consuming, judgemental, narrow minded sister raises her 'golden children'. They're the most talented, beautiful, do-no-wrong, brilliant kids in the world, ask her, or him for that matter.) I don't want to go to the bar and stay out all night. I want a house with a yard for my dog. I want to know my bf wants the same things I do. I like my job, and want to be with someone who is satisfied with their career too, not constantly bitching but doing nothing about it. When I set a goal I make sure I reach it. I want to be with someone who also sets, and reaches their goals.

So I did get a few good things out of our relationship, more than a bracelet, but what are the best things about parting ways with TBM? 

Knowing I'm not alone, even though I'm not part of a couple. One of the worst parts of this break up was feeling so alone. I didn't have anyone to make dinner for, so I didn't eat. I didn't have anyone to go out with, so I stayed in bed all weekend. Alright, I'm still sort of doing both these things but at least I don't feel so alone anymore. I have a friend who watches terrible reality TV with me, even though she's a few time zones away. I have a friend who BBM's or Tweets me a simple "Keep your chin up" so I know shes thinking of me. I have a friend who makes sure I eat, even if she has to bring me food to work. She also asks how I'm doing every day, and that in itself makes me feel I'm not alone.

I get to blog! I like to write about my adventures. I have ridiculous adventures. Did you know I went to the Play Boy Mansion for Halloween? How about that I spent a weekend with Shannon Tweed and Gene Simmons? No you didn't, because I had a bf who was so rattled by me doing fun things with out him I couldn't share them with any one. I couldn't enjoy them as much as I should have. I had to down play the fact that I was really excited about these things. I was excited about things that didn't always include him. And that is OK!! So far I've got two adventures planned. A road trip to see a country music concert in February and Vegas in April for my Birthday. You can bet I'll be sharing some details about these trips! Well, maybe not the Vegas one...

So while the glass of our relationship is very empty, the bottle of my life is full. And the tasting notes on this bottle: Fucking Awesome.

Wine is my New Boy Friend

I have more than enough stories of The Bed Makers poor decisions to write a book. From midnight walks with unattractive fitness instructors to emailing ex flames in other countries saying I wasn't the one "but she'll do till you're ready" this beauty has done it all to me. He texted many a young girl, took one skiing while I looked after his dog, tried to hide his ex's phone number in his phone under his work number, went away with his classy friends where they cheated on their wives and girlfriends. He lied about stupid things, he lied about major things, he lied about a lot of things, but never about loving me. He tells me still he wants to work on us and be with me, but he claims he's damaged and needs to sort him self out. He comes over, does my dishes, folds my laundry then tells me he's interested in someone else, after spending the evening with me. Then he refuses to leave, and spends the night cuddling me. The moment things got rough with us he rekindles his friendship with his boring, overly conservative, extremely cheap ex. (The one he lied to about me, and me about her) I could go on and on about the crap he's done, but why? The Bed Maker is officially my ex-boyfriend. It sucks to admit that. It sucks to know I'd take him back in a half a heartbeat. It sucks the most to just want him to be happy, even if it's with some flakey trollop who could never care for him like I can. I'd just prefer him to be happy. So enough of dwelling on his indiscretions, I've let them all go. I know it was never about me, it was always his garbage. I clearly deserved better treatment than I got, and I expect going forward I will be treated better. I already have my new love interest in my sites...

It's wine. Wine is my new boy friend. Wine is always there when I need it. I can get many varieties of wine. Red, sparkling, white, cheap, expensive, young or old. I can have lots of wine, or just a taste. I am in control with wine. If I want to feel bad the next day about my night with wine, I can, I just have to order that second bottle! If I want to feel fantastic, I just get a rare bottle and enjoy it with friends. That's the best part about my new boy friend...my friends LOVE it too!! I don't get "oh, you can do better" because I can't!! I never hear from a friend of a friends dog groomer that MY wine has been canoodling some chick at a Saanich restaurant/pub, because MY wine doesn't go to such scum bag, skank filled establishments! My wine is where ever I am. it doesn't go out without me! My wine likes to join me at nice restaurants. My wine would never stay out all night with its friends, then get a ride home with a slutty single mother (who's slept with more than one of his friends) at 4 am with no shoes because he's thrown them into a tree. Who throws a shoe, let alone two!! And I digress... Lets bring this back to what this is about: Wine.

Since I'm back to being Charmed and Single I hope you'll read my adventures with wine. And Qoola. I love that stuff. I hope you'll all hold me accountable for the list of things I'm planning on doing this year, as Charmed and Single. Share what your 2012 goals are with me! I'll help you out with them if you help me with mine!!
My 2012 Things To Do

• Drink a different bottle of wine once a month with a friend. Probably eat cheese with said wine. Or steak. Meat is fantastic.
• Attend one Moksha Yoga class a month. While I am teaching about 14 hours a week this year on top of my full time day job and part time bartending job I really feel yoga is needed in my life. Once a month is possible!
• Call my out of town friends. Not BBM, not text, CALL. At least once a month. My out of town friends have proven to be the most loyal, supportive, encouraging and positive people in my life. They deserve more.
• Read a new book every month. I usually read one anyway. But I'm hoping you'll share what you're reading, then I can read it too, and we can get together and talk about it...with wine.
• Once a month: Girls night. OK, guys can come too. But once a month get my friends together and do something. Probably with wine. I tend to work and hide in bed instead of being social. This needs to stop!
• Las Vegas. April 5th to 9th and in December. Happy Birthday to me in April! You're all welcome to join me.
• Do one Video Blog. YIKES! This one scares me. It's so much easier to hide behind the letters! Topic ideas for this?? Share! Help me out!

Happy New Year! I hope 2012 is amazing for everyone. If it is the last year the world turns, lets make the most of it!! XOXO

Mission Hill Family Estates Cellar. A-Maz-ing. Anyone up for a road trip this summer?

The Ex Factor

Can you, and should you, be friends with your ex when you are dating someone new? Ask almost anyone, and they will say no. I say, it depends.

Reasons to not be freinds:

• It upsets your current relationship. I have a few ex's I am civil with, and when I am dating someone, if it makes them uncomfortable, I alter my interactions with them. I no longer call or text them daily, I don't have meals with them, and I make sure I let them know I'm seeing someone who I care about. It's a respect thing, and since I respect my current relationship I make sure I do everything to make them comfortable. 
• It leads your ex on. Until your ex realizes you are actually with someone else they think there is always a chance you'll get back together. This isn't fair to you, your ex, or the person you are currently dating. Being friends with them leaves their foot in the door, so kick it out.
• Poison.  Your ex knows you really well, and knows whats best for you, right? I mean, they put up with you and looked after you for how long?? Look at all they went through with you, why wouldn't they know whats best? Right? Wrong. Their opinion is just that, an opinion. And it should stay in their heads, and not be put into yours. You may say it won't affect your decisions, but honestly, it's poison, a slow acting poison working to ruin your happiness. And it's not just your happiness at stake here, your new relationship deserves more.
• It's hard to move on. If you have a constant reminder of all the happy times and laughs you had together you can never truly give yourself to your new relationship. Keeping the memories in the past, with your ex is the best way to appreciate what you did have, how it made you grow, and what you can do differently in your next relationship.

Now the good stuff, the reasons to be friends with your ex! 

• You want your ex back. So obviously you shouldn't be dating anyone else, should you?

Well as you can see I'm absolutely hell bent against being friends with your ex. I know it's a very small world and I am not saying don't be a total dick to them, I'm just saying don't be friends. Being civil when you see them in public is good, posting on their FaceBook profile weekly is bad. Asking about their family when you run into them is good, making a lunch date to catch up and fill them in on your second cousins hang nail is bad. You see where I'm going with this? If you really want to give your new relationship a chance, don't do it.

Life After Fishing

I did it! I deleted my online dating profile. Not because I met the man of my dreams, not because I'm even seeing someone, just because it had to be done. After months and months of terrible messages I'm very glad it's over. I had set the criteria so only users within my parametres could message me, but they still managed to get by it. I was looking for someone who was single, within 10 km's, and no children. I would daily get messages from men and after a few responses back and forth they'd end up saying they're separated, thier kids only are with them on weekends, and they live in Naniamo. What?? Why would you think I was interested in getting to know someone who couldn't tell the truth on simple questions like: "Marital Status" or "Do You Have Children?"
I guess my online experience hasn't been a complete waste of time. I did meet Five Minutes Late and The Bed Maker. I still talk to both of these sweet guys but of course it's gone no where with either. I'm obviously expecting too much from men in general. I mean, what kind of selfish girl wants to go out on a real date and not just come over to your house at 11:00pm to hang out?
I have been talking to The Friend quite a bit lately. He also is a guy who likes to just watch movies and sit around at night. I can't say I blame him too much as he doesn't want The Non BF to know about our involvement. So when I texted him on Friday night imagine my surprise when I got a message back from a number not stored in my phone saying: "I'm with (The Friend). What's with the text??" Ummm, uh oh! I had deleted The Non BF's number months ago so I wouldn't drunk dial, so when I replied with "Who is this?" he got a little upset. Apparently The Non was holding The Friends phone at the exact time I messaged him. I ended up sending a few messages back and forth between the both of them. I also had to re read them all in the morning to make sure I hadn't said anything I'd regret. I'm still a little hurt about The Non, but I definitely don't want to do anything worse to jeopardise their friendship. I know it's not my friendship to ruin, but I do care about both of them. My plan is just deny, deny, deny if The Non BF asks, and to keep seeing The Friend on the sly. Apparently he doesn't suspect anything, and that's pretty funny considering what he does for work. I know if he asked me to my face he would see right through me though. Sigh.
Well, It's holiday party season, time to get out into the real world and meet "The One". Wish me luck