As a single girl I get all sorts of messages. Let me give you a sample from a Facebook Friend:
Feb 22: Hey beautiful (Me, no response)
Mar 11: U were looking really good the other day sexy! Hope all is well? We should have a drink or grab something to eat sometime? Well talk to you later. Cheers (I had driven through his work parking lot with my brother and waved. I did not respond to this message)
Mar 14: Hello sexy! (Again, I shockingly did not answer)
Apr 2: Hello ***... You never return my messages beautiful? Are we still homies or what? Lol what's ur number ? Get back to me for once would ya... 250-***-**** hope all is well?
Cheers **** (This time I answered with:)
Apr 2: They're just usually inappropriate, so I ignore them.
Was I offside? Getting messages from someone you used to work with calling you beautiful and sexy and asking me for a drink or something to eat just weirds me out. I'm not at all interested in him, so what should I have said? Was ignoring them the wrong thing to do? I've gotten others that I've ignored too, 6 just as uncomfortable in the last 2 months from others. I thought not answering was just like not making eye contact and walking away in real life. Wrong? Obviously. Why do they send these messages in the first place?! If someone knows what I've been doing to attract unwanted messages from people I thought were friends please let me know. I'd love to stop such behavior. Like on Saturday...
I went out with a girl friend to eat some pub fare and play music bingo. (BYOBD next time! Bring your own Bingo Dabbers!) We were having a good time, talking about how our exes are ridiculous, debating whether I should message a guy or wait for him to process recent events, discovering we both went out with the same (really nice but we just weren't attracted to him) guy we met on a dating website, just generally enjoying our Saturday night. Then, WHAMMO, this guy came up to the table and starting talking to us. I knew him, well, I knew his twin brother. I told him I knew his brother, yet he still hung out at our table for hours! It was a little entertaining for a while but his friends were wasted, one fell asleep at a table, and that's not the night we were into. My friend drove home (she only had 2 drinks all night, amazing will power!) and I walked home with my dog (yes, he does come everywhere). As I carried my gold glittery heels in one hand and flowers from a drunk stranger in the other I wondered, what made him sit there ALL night with us? Neither one of us waved him over, neither one of us were leaving with him, so why? Our fine city has six women to every man, did he not know this? Or were we just that fabulous? What vibe do we put off to attract this? What should I have said to make him not stay there all night? (Even though he did help out a little at music bingo, and his drunk friend did buy us flowers and stuffed animals that our dogs loved! ha!) Is there rules? Is there a script? Did I miss a memo?!
As I sit here, alone with my dog, drinking a glass of wine, I can't help but think of all the things I wish I had said to men in the past. From "F*ck Off" to "I'm Sorry" I should have said it all, but I haven't always been that open. I never regret anything that made me smile, so I don't regret not saying these things, but boys be warned: I'll now be telling you exactly what I'm thinking and feeling. Never ask a question you don't want the answer too...
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I don't have an answer for you but I do have some perspective.
ReplyDeleteI'm the counter-equivilant to you. I am a single male with an apparent (according to my married friends) charmed single life. Single not necessarily by choice, but interestingly enough as a consequence of your above predicament.
I don't approach women for the exact reason you outlined.
I'm not a dirtbag and I pick up on body language and social cues. I'm quite a nice guy actually. The problem is that most women have experienced enough unwanted attention from losers that they put up a wall and treat all of us the same. Enough that I don't even bother trying anymore. Enough that when I do either get through the wall or get approached myself, I forget how to actually act around women.
I get defensive about what I am going to say as I second guess everything and attempt to weigh how it could be perceived. Truth be known: women don't want a funny nice guy either.
Women don't know what they want. No that's not what I mean.
I mean, Women don't know how they want us to ACT.
Now I don't blame women and I don't intend to point blame in that direction. It's just that when so many thieves have pounded on the door, eventually your going to stop answering. Yet, you still hold hope that one day someone different will knock. But how will you know? Should you answer or not?
It's an odd act we as men have to perform and checkpoints we have to pass. Once the guard is let down however, we are free to do as we please. We get to be ourselves and they love us for it.
But getting to that point, getting past the guard. That's the tricky bit. Even though I may hold the password, the douchebags have smashed the keypad.