What Should I have Said?

As a single girl I get all sorts of messages. Let me give you a sample from a Facebook Friend:

Feb 22: Hey beautiful (Me, no response)
Mar 11: U were looking really good the other day sexy! Hope all is well? We should have a drink or grab something to eat sometime? Well talk to you later. Cheers (I had driven through his work parking lot with my brother and waved. I did not respond to this message)
Mar 14: Hello sexy! (Again, I shockingly did not answer)
Apr 2: Hello ***... You never return my messages beautiful? Are we still homies or what? Lol what's ur number ? Get back to me for once would ya... 250-***-**** hope all is well?
Cheers **** (This time I answered with:)
Apr 2: They're just usually inappropriate, so I ignore them.

Was I offside? Getting messages from someone you used to work with calling you beautiful and sexy and asking me for a drink or something to eat just weirds me out.  I'm not at all interested in him, so what should I have said? Was ignoring them the wrong thing to do? I've gotten others that I've ignored too, 6 just as uncomfortable in the last 2 months from others. I thought not answering was just like not making eye contact and walking away in real life. Wrong? Obviously. Why do they send these messages in the first place?! If someone knows what I've been doing to attract unwanted messages from people I thought were friends please let me know. I'd love to stop such behavior. Like on Saturday...

I went out with a girl friend to eat some pub fare and play music bingo. (BYOBD next time! Bring your own Bingo Dabbers!) We were having a good time, talking about how our exes are ridiculous, debating whether I should message a guy or wait for him to process recent events, discovering we both went out with the same (really nice but we just weren't attracted to him) guy we met on a dating website, just generally enjoying our Saturday night. Then, WHAMMO, this guy came up to the table and starting talking to us. I knew him, well, I knew his twin brother. I told him I knew his brother, yet he still hung out at our table for hours! It was a little entertaining for a while but his friends were wasted, one fell asleep at a table, and that's not the night we were into. My friend drove home (she only had 2 drinks all night, amazing will power!) and I walked home with my dog (yes, he does come everywhere). As I carried my gold glittery heels in one hand and flowers from a drunk stranger in the other I wondered, what made him sit there ALL night with us? Neither one of us waved him over, neither one of us were leaving with him, so why? Our fine city has six women to every man, did he not know this? Or were we just that fabulous? What vibe do we put off to attract this? What should I have said to make him not stay there all night? (Even though he did help out a little at music bingo, and his drunk friend did buy us flowers and stuffed animals that our dogs loved! ha!) Is there rules? Is there a script? Did I miss a memo?!

As I sit here, alone with my dog, drinking a glass of wine, I can't help but think of all the things I wish I had said to men in the past. From "F*ck Off" to "I'm Sorry" I should have said it all, but I haven't always been that open. I never regret anything that made me smile, so I don't regret not saying these things, but boys be warned: I'll now be telling you exactly what I'm thinking and feeling. Never ask a question you don't want the answer too...

Lost in Translation

So what I say is not always what I mean. Shocking huh? Since I'm a big believer in actions speaking louder than words I just assume people know what I'm thinking and feeling. Aren't you all mind readers?! Now I do agree, sometimes I'm pushing it. How is anyone supposed to know that an invite to my Birthday dinner was actually me asking why we don't spend more nights together? But some are pretty obvious, I thought... So, here's a little translation of my more commonly used phrases just so we're all on the same page.

What I Say	What I Mean
"Sure, what ever you want."	"Seriously?! Fine, but I'm going to remember this..."
"I need a snack."	"I need food NOW, or someone will DIE, and you're closest."
"Hopefully you can meet my friends."	"I want more of you in my life and can't wait for my friends to think you're as great as I do!"
"What are you doing this weekend?"	"You better not be going out with another girl."
"I could have a cocktail!"	"I may get wasted. I'm single, why not?!"
"I'm tired."	"I need food NOW, or someone will DIE, and you're closest."
"I want to go to Vegas."	"I'm going to Vegas."
"Go away."	"I'm so done with you and your sh*t if I see you on the road I will run you down."
"Isn't Mac the cutest?"	"My dog is #1 in my life, don't try to change that, ever."
"I need a hot tub."	"I need a hot tub, a massage, and a snack, immediately."
"I'm fine."	"If you can't figure it out read my Twitter feed, ugggg."
"I should eat..."	"I need food NOW, or someone will DIE, and you're closest."

So I get hungry. Big deal. I carry snacks in my purse because of it. I know I should be more open and say what I mean instead of just thinking and acting it, perhaps in 2013. This year is just so jam packed already. In the mean time: I should eat!

The "C" Word

So big surprise, 2012 hasn't been going according to plan. Typing my goals was such a great idea, I put them all out there for everyone to see. It's almost freaking April...I've only been to one yoga class this year, read half of 4 books, and forgot about the video blog all together until 5 seconds ago! I have drank different wine (lots of it) with friends, I have gone out with my friends (mostly with wine too), I've called my out of town bff's a few times. The one thing I've done really well is trip planning. I have two trips to Vegas booked and one to the Stampede. (By the way: I think the Stampede is like Vegas, what happens there stays there, so don't expect any posts about it.) I guess I'm on the right track, but my expectations of myself are clearly high. I am working an excessive amount right now so I should give myself a little leeway, fine. 2012 is right on track! So what could possibly derail it?!
Yes, a boy. Isn't it always a boy?! I'm not placing blame, there is none to place. I'm just...sayin'. Technically I'm single, but my heart is taken by someone I can't call my own. Why? Because I can't admit I c@re. Ug, I can't even type it. So I guess there is blame, it's my fault! He's patient, smart, fun, thoughtful, cute, funny, responsible, respectful and I could go on. He makes me want to miss work just to see him. He's fantastic. Does he know I think this? No. Again, because I can't admit I c@re. I guess what I'm saying is one day I'm going to tell him I c@re about him, and once that's out there I have to make sure I don't lose track of what I still want to do with my year. My wine is important. Oh, so is the travel, yoga, reading, video blogging and my friends, obviously! I guess I can add more things to my 2012 To Do List. And maybe The "C" Word  should be one of them...

Lost and Found

Last night I was somewhere where I found three items that I had left behind; a tea towel, a hanger and a pillow case. Three very replaceable items. Why didn't I just replace them? Because I didn't even know I had lost them. This got me thinking about what else had I lost with out knowing. No, I didn't run to my sock drawer and make sure they are all paired. (I know they are. I have sock OCD) I was up all night thinking about what I've found in myself during the last few months. I've made a little list.

Knowing what the f*ck I want. Not always for dinner, but out of life.

Confidence. I used to go everywhere by myself, but I haven't felt like I could walk into a room alone in a long time. High five to me. I can now go out again alone, including leaving my comfort zone of "LA".

Independence. This one is kind of bizarre, but I found out I still hate to take my garbage out. But, I can. And that's something.

Reliability. People can now depend on me again to be there, because I'm not in Boy Friend Land. That Land takes a lot of my friends.

Setting Goals. I rediscovered that feeling of meeting goals I set. I love that! When did I lose that? Why did I lose that??

Fun. Did I lose fun or am I just having more fun now? I'm not sure, and I don't care. I'm fun.

I really enjoy the things I found, and I'm looking forward to finding more. Never regret anything that made you smile...so if you do lose something, no matter how or why, just appreciate finding it.

All About Me

I always write about the sh*t that goes on in my life. I always write about how I react to it. I never write all about me. What do you really know about me, besides the bad luck I have with men? This is my blog. I feel like being selfish. I'm going to tell you All About Me. Somethings you may know already, but hopefully you'll learn something.

• My favorite color is purple. But most people assume its pink. 
• I just got an iPhone, and I love it. Since I'm scared of change I still have, and use, my BlackBerry too. One day I'll only have one phone. When I moved back from Toronto it took me almost two years to get a local phone number. It takes time for me to accept and trust change.
• I slept on an air mattress for years. Afraid of commitment, I liked the ability to be able to deflate and fold my life into my SUV. I bought a mattress set over a year ago and a beautiful bed frame recently. No longer am I afraid to commit. Also, no longer do I have an SUV, so I'd have to rent a moving truck anyway!
• The books on my night stand: Last months's Cosmo, Little Book of Moksha Yoga, He's Just Not That Into You, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
• The books on my coffee table: This month's Cosmo, MWF seeking BFF, Law of Attraction. Yes, I like to read.
• Supernatural DVD's are usually always in my DVD player. I own all the seasons. I was an X Files fan too. Don't judge me. There really are some things that can't be explained. 
• If I watch a movie its one of three: The Sweetest Thing, My Best Friends Wedding or Jerry Maguire. The first one is great. The other two are classics, and remind me of good times with great friends.
• I like mirrors. I grew up in a dance studio surrounded by them. I think they brighten a room up. Art is ok, but mirrors are like live art. 
• I spoil my dog. He runs the show in my house. He doesn't sleep on my bed though, he has three of his own. 
• I love hot rods. The louder the better. The faster the better. I love trucks too. 
• Vegas is my favorite vacation spot. I just booked a ticket there for my Birthday weekend.
• I believe in Love at first sight. It's happened to me, twice. I can't wait till it happens again. 
• I believe in Karma. You get back what you give.
• I always keep a bag packed just in case someone says "Get in the car, we're going to ***, now". I have a passport and I'm not afraid to use it!
• Talk is cheap. Actions speak louder than words. I think you should always do what you say and mean what you do. 
• I'd move anywhere hot in a heartbeat. Flip flops can't be beat. 
• In a perfect world I wouldn't work. I'd just volunteer and fund raise all day. Since real life is different than a perfect world, I have more than one job and volunteer and fund raise in my "spare" time. 
• I forgive, but never forget. 
• I'm loyal and devoted. My friends are everything. And I'd do anything for them.
• I like Moksha Yoga because it's hard for me. Not physically hard, I'm more than flexible and strong enough, but mentally hard. Slowing my self down and clearing my mind for a whole class is tough. I once let myself go so much in class I cried. I thought it was sweat at first, then realized I was crying.
• I have a full time day job, I teach dance in the evenings and sometimes I work at a cocktail lounge. If I had to pick one, I couldn't. Well it wouldn't be the lounge...
• Never give me an ultimatum. You will lose.
• I never regret anything that made me smile. 
• I don't know what I want to be doing in five years, and that doesn't bother me. All I know is that I'm enjoying now. 

 What do you want to know about me? Email me at charmed@charmedandsingle.com.

The Glass isn't Half Full, it's Empty.

I'm having a hard time getting over TBM. Not because I want to get back together, but because I feel I wasted a whole year of my life. What do I have to show for our year together? Besides a beautiful Tiffany & Co. hand engraved with the word "Charmed" bracelet, what did I get from our relationship? He got a devoted live in girl friend who worshiped him and did everything she could to make his life easier and fun. He got constant forgiveness and unconditional love. He got someone who was willing to sacrifice anything and everything for the good of the relationship. I got a bracelet?? As I thought more about this I got pretty bitter, then I realized I got a few other things too...

A kick ass Guacamole recipe! TBM makes hands down THE BEST guacamole. It's fantastic. And I know how to make it! I'd never thought of making my own guac, you can buy that stuff, but now I can! And it's so good!! I'll absolutely give you the recipe, or make you a batch. It goes great with tequila!

A little spice in my life! I used to have the most bland diet. When I lived in Toronto I ate all sorts of amazing foods. When I moved back to the Island I reverted back to meat and potatoes. The restaurant selection here just isn't good! TBM showed me I like burritos, and that I can make them my self if I have too! I can also cook my regular bland food with jalapenos (or serrano's if I screw up! They look similar...) I would have never tried them with out him. I know, you're thinking "Wow, all food related, that's so deep." but I'm currently hungry, and those two just came out first!

My friends will always be there. No matter how many times I annoyed my friends with the short comings of our relationship they were there. After we broke up I stayed with one of my friends for a few days. My dog and my tears showed up with no notice and I was welcomed with open arms, not just by her, but by her bf too. They didn't care what a mess I was, they were just there and let me be me. My friends have always been the same, awesome. Sure my relationship status, address and lifestyle has changed but they are still my friends, and always will be.

A new friend. When I first met his cousin I thought of her as his cousin. She was quiet and nothing like me. She's very sweet, a little quiet, and our life experiences are not a like at all. We've had very different relationships, work history, and family life (she's an only child). I used to think of her as TBM's cousin. Now shes my friend. She's proven to be a very solid sounding board, even though she's going through some major changes and issues of her own. She's been loyal, honest and straight forward. She loves wine, just like I do! She has her own opinion and tells me. When a mutual friend of ours did something shady I made a comment about this bitch. She said "I like (this bitch)" showing she is loyal to all her friends. She doesn't take sides, but sees all of them. Even though she is his cousin, she's been a good friend, and I'm glad to have met her and got to know her.

What I want in life, and relationships. He doesn't want to get married. I do. I also am open to having ONE child (and not raise it like his all organic consuming, judgemental, narrow minded sister raises her 'golden children'. They're the most talented, beautiful, do-no-wrong, brilliant kids in the world, ask her, or him for that matter.) I don't want to go to the bar and stay out all night. I want a house with a yard for my dog. I want to know my bf wants the same things I do. I like my job, and want to be with someone who is satisfied with their career too, not constantly bitching but doing nothing about it. When I set a goal I make sure I reach it. I want to be with someone who also sets, and reaches their goals.

So I did get a few good things out of our relationship, more than a bracelet, but what are the best things about parting ways with TBM? 

Knowing I'm not alone, even though I'm not part of a couple. One of the worst parts of this break up was feeling so alone. I didn't have anyone to make dinner for, so I didn't eat. I didn't have anyone to go out with, so I stayed in bed all weekend. Alright, I'm still sort of doing both these things but at least I don't feel so alone anymore. I have a friend who watches terrible reality TV with me, even though she's a few time zones away. I have a friend who BBM's or Tweets me a simple "Keep your chin up" so I know shes thinking of me. I have a friend who makes sure I eat, even if she has to bring me food to work. She also asks how I'm doing every day, and that in itself makes me feel I'm not alone.

I get to blog! I like to write about my adventures. I have ridiculous adventures. Did you know I went to the Play Boy Mansion for Halloween? How about that I spent a weekend with Shannon Tweed and Gene Simmons? No you didn't, because I had a bf who was so rattled by me doing fun things with out him I couldn't share them with any one. I couldn't enjoy them as much as I should have. I had to down play the fact that I was really excited about these things. I was excited about things that didn't always include him. And that is OK!! So far I've got two adventures planned. A road trip to see a country music concert in February and Vegas in April for my Birthday. You can bet I'll be sharing some details about these trips! Well, maybe not the Vegas one...

So while the glass of our relationship is very empty, the bottle of my life is full. And the tasting notes on this bottle: Fucking Awesome.

Wine is my New Boy Friend

I have more than enough stories of The Bed Makers poor decisions to write a book. From midnight walks with unattractive fitness instructors to emailing ex flames in other countries saying I wasn't the one "but she'll do till you're ready" this beauty has done it all to me. He texted many a young girl, took one skiing while I looked after his dog, tried to hide his ex's phone number in his phone under his work number, went away with his classy friends where they cheated on their wives and girlfriends. He lied about stupid things, he lied about major things, he lied about a lot of things, but never about loving me. He tells me still he wants to work on us and be with me, but he claims he's damaged and needs to sort him self out. He comes over, does my dishes, folds my laundry then tells me he's interested in someone else, after spending the evening with me. Then he refuses to leave, and spends the night cuddling me. The moment things got rough with us he rekindles his friendship with his boring, overly conservative, extremely cheap ex. (The one he lied to about me, and me about her) I could go on and on about the crap he's done, but why? The Bed Maker is officially my ex-boyfriend. It sucks to admit that. It sucks to know I'd take him back in a half a heartbeat. It sucks the most to just want him to be happy, even if it's with some flakey trollop who could never care for him like I can. I'd just prefer him to be happy. So enough of dwelling on his indiscretions, I've let them all go. I know it was never about me, it was always his garbage. I clearly deserved better treatment than I got, and I expect going forward I will be treated better. I already have my new love interest in my sites...

It's wine. Wine is my new boy friend. Wine is always there when I need it. I can get many varieties of wine. Red, sparkling, white, cheap, expensive, young or old. I can have lots of wine, or just a taste. I am in control with wine. If I want to feel bad the next day about my night with wine, I can, I just have to order that second bottle! If I want to feel fantastic, I just get a rare bottle and enjoy it with friends. That's the best part about my new boy friend...my friends LOVE it too!! I don't get "oh, you can do better" because I can't!! I never hear from a friend of a friends dog groomer that MY wine has been canoodling some chick at a Saanich restaurant/pub, because MY wine doesn't go to such scum bag, skank filled establishments! My wine is where ever I am. it doesn't go out without me! My wine likes to join me at nice restaurants. My wine would never stay out all night with its friends, then get a ride home with a slutty single mother (who's slept with more than one of his friends) at 4 am with no shoes because he's thrown them into a tree. Who throws a shoe, let alone two!! And I digress... Lets bring this back to what this is about: Wine.

Since I'm back to being Charmed and Single I hope you'll read my adventures with wine. And Qoola. I love that stuff. I hope you'll all hold me accountable for the list of things I'm planning on doing this year, as Charmed and Single. Share what your 2012 goals are with me! I'll help you out with them if you help me with mine!!
My 2012 Things To Do

• Drink a different bottle of wine once a month with a friend. Probably eat cheese with said wine. Or steak. Meat is fantastic.
• Attend one Moksha Yoga class a month. While I am teaching about 14 hours a week this year on top of my full time day job and part time bartending job I really feel yoga is needed in my life. Once a month is possible!
• Call my out of town friends. Not BBM, not text, CALL. At least once a month. My out of town friends have proven to be the most loyal, supportive, encouraging and positive people in my life. They deserve more.
• Read a new book every month. I usually read one anyway. But I'm hoping you'll share what you're reading, then I can read it too, and we can get together and talk about it...with wine.
• Once a month: Girls night. OK, guys can come too. But once a month get my friends together and do something. Probably with wine. I tend to work and hide in bed instead of being social. This needs to stop!
• Las Vegas. April 5th to 9th and in December. Happy Birthday to me in April! You're all welcome to join me.
• Do one Video Blog. YIKES! This one scares me. It's so much easier to hide behind the letters! Topic ideas for this?? Share! Help me out!

Happy New Year! I hope 2012 is amazing for everyone. If it is the last year the world turns, lets make the most of it!! XOXO

Mission Hill Family Estates Cellar. A-Maz-ing. Anyone up for a road trip this summer?