Priorities

I love the saying "Never make someone a priority who only thinks of you as an option". What a great idea! Why waste energy and time one someone who isn't interested in reciprocating, unless it suits them? I have been really busy, apparently having a BF does that to a girl, so I've been treating myself as an option. How ridiculous is that?! I've spent so much time making sure my relationship and boyfirend are happy that I forgot about me! I'm an ingredient in the relationship so I need to keep my self happy too.
After staring at my flip flop feet while sitting on the couch I decided that I needed my boring toes painted. As I went for the box of paints and glitter I have I thought of my colour options. There was that dirty "O" word again! Then, I made my toes, and myself a priority...I went out and got a pedicure! My feet were soaked, rubbed, moisturised, polished and made a priority. It only took half an hour to bring me back to me, just in time for summer!

OK vrs. No Way

Every month Cosmo has a section called Sexy vrs. Skanky outlining acceptable sexy things vrs. unforgivable skanky things, like "Taking another Stars arm" vrs. "Grabbing another Stars crotch". Get it? It's a cute way of letting people know social boundaries and acceptable behaviors. I thought I'd share with you the boyfriend version: OK vrs. No Way!

OK                      vrs.                           No Way!
Watching the game with the boys           Using the game as an excuse
                                                            to spend the night at the
                                                            bar
Talking to people                                   Taking girls phone numbers
                                                            that you spent the night
                                                            chatting with
Unfriending your ex on FB                      Emailing your ex, just
                                                            to catch up
Having your GF in your profile pic           Untagging your self in your
                                                            GF's pics
Telling the truth                                      Making your GF feel crazy
                                                             for being upset about
                                                             a fight

Sounds simple right? Maybe some boyfriends need a guideline how to not cross a line and upset their girlfriends just like some women need a reminder about wearing panties with a mini skirt. Well here is a good start for those men! Pass it on, share it with your friends, comment on it! I'd love to hear your OK vrs. No Way! guidelines.

Where to look?

I started a new job this week in a small office. There is just two of us out front, myself and another girl a bit younger than I. Seeing as how we both were born and raised on this Island in the middle of the Pacific we know quite a few of the same people. It's bound to happen. She's nice and we chat while we are working. She is single, and has been for quite a while. Why you ask? This island makes it hard to meet people. I had to resort to online dating. She feels there are far too  many freaks out there. I absolutely agree, but I didn't know where else to meet men, so I had to weed out the freaks. So where does a smart, fun, successful, good looking girl in her 20's or early 30's meet a man other that cyber space? Here's some ideas for you ladies!

The Dog Park: Dog owners will talk to anyone, and it's automatically something you have in common so it's easy to break the ice. Don't have a dog? Borrow one. I'll lend you mine. You can tell that cute guy with the floppy eared Lab you'll lint roll the dog hair off him after dinner.

The Gym: Try to find a gym that does not have a separate mens/ladies zone. Go to a gym you know will have guys your age and check the activities calendar. Royal Roads University Recreation Center has floor hockey on Monday nights, it's jam packed with cute boys! Jump on the treadmill and ask the hottie next to you what he's got loaded on his IPod. Not feeling that brave? At least you've gotten a good work out and you'll feel good about your self!

Parties: I'm not talking about the average party at your friends house you go to every weekend, I'm talking the FaceBook invite for an acquaintances Birthday Party at the Karaoke Bar you would never go to. You will obviously know at least one person, but in true Vancouver Island style you'll more than likely know at least four people. You never know who may be there, and at the very least you'll reconnect with an old friend, and maybe make a new one!

In Class: I'm not talking College or University classes. But sign up for a class of some sort. WestShore Parks and Recreation has lots of classes, curling, aquatic kickboxing, intro to wood working and even a class on how to use your IPhone or IPod! What about taking golf lessons with Matt at Highland Pacific golf course? I love this golf course, you will too. Why not meet a man while doing something fun, somewhere fantastic and learning a new skill? It's an all around win!

Those are a few things I'd suggest, any other suggestions please feel free to leave a comment! Let's help all our single and fabulous friends find that special someone!

Happy Birthday Sea Breeze!

In February I said yes to every invite. I wouldn't have said no to my friend anyway! The plan was flawless, dinner at a steak house, a visit to the games room for darts and closing out the night with a session at The Fox. So, how did it go...

We show up, on time, for our reservation. Ric's Grill was not ready for us. The 10 of us had to sit on the 3 chairs in the waiting area while our table was prepared. We were not promptly greeted, nor offered beverages in a timely manor. When our lack luster server finally came to us I was starving, and when i get hungry, it's ugly. I ordered two beverages, one I requested with my meal and an appy while everyone decided what they wanted. The menu is great, lots of options and reasonable price points. We enjoyed the room while we waited for our drinks. Good thing its a nice room, the drinks took forever. So long in fact my appy arrived before any ones drinks. When our drinks did get to our table they were auctioned off in a cheap Pizza Hut "WHO HAD THE DIET?" style. Not the service you would expect. Both of mine showed up at the same time too, not as requested, brutal. The glass of sparkling was great ($7) and the Dancing Bull Red Zinfandel ($9) was, as always, adequate. My appy was delicious! Ahi Tuna Carpaccio ($13.95) seasoned with Cajun spices and a ginger wasabi butter. I couldn't identify the Cajun spice but the mild wasabi butter was great and complimented well with the capers. I would absolutely order this again. Eventually our mains showed up, you could see the servers counting seats as they brought the plates out. I was glad we had gotten passed the auction service. Sea Breeze's plate was delivered, upside down. Last time I checked the protein was served at six o'clock, not eleven forty five. Mine was presented as a Filet with Cognac Cream Sauce. I ordered a 6 oz Sirloin ($20.95) with Oscar Deluxe Topping ($9.95). The plate in front of me was obviously not a filet, they come wrapped in bacon. The lack of knowledge, enthusiasm and service standards was ridiculous. Glad to have what I ordered, even though it was delivered all wrong, I dug in. The scallops and prawns were great. The asparagus and other veg on the plate were undercooked. While I liked them that way I know some people like their veggies cooked, so just an FYI. The steak was small, and not medium rare, but rare. I like rare, so again, their screw up was fine by me! Our plates were cleared eventually by stacking them in one huge pile. I actually expected the server to scrape all the scraps onto one plate for the dog just like at Grandmas. I don't know about you, but plates should come off a table as they go on, one at a time! I have a Creme Brule fetish and when "super" server finally returned I requested some. He absolutely had no interest in selling us anything, there was not one offer of an additional drink so I was glad I ordered two right off the hop! The Creme Brule flavour was vanilla, while boring, I was looking very forward to it. About five minutes after ordering a random person we had never seen arrived asking who ordered the Creme Brule. I put up my hand, and he advised me they were all out of the Bailey's flavour and would it be ok if they served me Blueberry. Uh, NO!! First of all when did Bailey's happen?? And secondly, Blueberry? Ick. At this point I was thirsty, now annoyed and just wanted out anyway. Our bills took forever. We were very clear who was with who so it should not have been an issue, and they were all correct, when they eventually arrived. I filled out my service survey advising of my disappointment but I still tipped, hoping our server will now have enough to get on the ferry, move and go ruin someone elses night in another city. My total bill for myself was $68.15 taxes in plus tip. It would have been worth it had the service been remotely acceptable. Thanks "Matt". Ahhhh, moving on...

We Walked up to the Games Room at The Sticky Wicket at The Strathcona Hotel. It was so busy there was no getting a table! Saturday night in Victoria there really isn't much else to do so this was expected. Our attempt to play darts was dashed by the volume of people playing. We regrouped and made arrangements to head to The Fox for part three of the evening.

We found a table in the over full show room. The entertainment was good, company was better and over all I had a great time. I had the dogs in the truck so I left at a reasonable hour and went to meet TBM at the casino for a drink and some slot machine fun. This was my favorite part of the night. I was glad I went out, and I hope Sea Breeze had a fun Birthday.

I would go to Ric's Grill again, but in a smaller group. Maybe ten people was just too much for poor Matt. I'd like to spend a night in the games room too, it had a good vibe, so I'll have to make an effort to get there earlier one day. And every night at The Fox is a good one...so you know you'll see me there again! Happy Birthday Sea Breeze!! xo

The Ex Factor

Can you, and should you, be friends with your ex when you are dating someone new? Ask almost anyone, and they will say no. I say, it depends.

Reasons to not be freinds:

• It upsets your current relationship. I have a few ex's I am civil with, and when I am dating someone, if it makes them uncomfortable, I alter my interactions with them. I no longer call or text them daily, I don't have meals with them, and I make sure I let them know I'm seeing someone who I care about. It's a respect thing, and since I respect my current relationship I make sure I do everything to make them comfortable. 
• It leads your ex on. Until your ex realizes you are actually with someone else they think there is always a chance you'll get back together. This isn't fair to you, your ex, or the person you are currently dating. Being friends with them leaves their foot in the door, so kick it out.
• Poison.  Your ex knows you really well, and knows whats best for you, right? I mean, they put up with you and looked after you for how long?? Look at all they went through with you, why wouldn't they know whats best? Right? Wrong. Their opinion is just that, an opinion. And it should stay in their heads, and not be put into yours. You may say it won't affect your decisions, but honestly, it's poison, a slow acting poison working to ruin your happiness. And it's not just your happiness at stake here, your new relationship deserves more.
• It's hard to move on. If you have a constant reminder of all the happy times and laughs you had together you can never truly give yourself to your new relationship. Keeping the memories in the past, with your ex is the best way to appreciate what you did have, how it made you grow, and what you can do differently in your next relationship.

Now the good stuff, the reasons to be friends with your ex! 

• You want your ex back. So obviously you shouldn't be dating anyone else, should you?

Well as you can see I'm absolutely hell bent against being friends with your ex. I know it's a very small world and I am not saying don't be a total dick to them, I'm just saying don't be friends. Being civil when you see them in public is good, posting on their FaceBook profile weekly is bad. Asking about their family when you run into them is good, making a lunch date to catch up and fill them in on your second cousins hang nail is bad. You see where I'm going with this? If you really want to give your new relationship a chance, don't do it.

Forgiveness and Love: When it's not enough, and when it is.

 I'm really forgiving. I believe in unconditional love, second chances and that people can, and will, change themselves if they want to. All I want is honesty. The truth is the only real and undeniable thing in this world, that's why it's so important to me. No matter what happens as long as I get the truth I can forgive, and forget.
I dated a guy that I think cheated on me when he went out of town. I didn't want to know for sure, so I never asked, I just accepted that he was who he was, and I loved him for him. I never tried to change him, I fell for him, not who he could be, but who he was. I've heard "to forgive without requiring the other to change is not only self-destructive, but ensures a dysfunctional relationship will remain so by continually rewarding mistreatment" but I don't think so. I was happy with him, when he was with me I was his girlfriend, no one else was. He never lied to me, he just never came out and told me his "mistakes". He was a fantastic boyfriend, who I just didn't love enough. I ended it when I realized that. He wanted more, and I was happy just being his girlfriend. He was a great guy, just not the one for me. I thought he deserved someone who would give up anything for him, go to all lengths to be with him and keep him happy, because that's what I want.
Being honest, forgiving mistakes, trust, loving someone for who they are and sacrificing are some of the most important things to me. I'm willing to give all that, and more, and believe it will all come back to me. Happiness is a journey, not a destination, and I'm loving the ride!

The "But We Really Are Dating" Excuse

I love the book "He's Just Not That Into You". It's helped me see I'm not the only one in the world that has problems with men. I like to know I'm not the only one who has no idea what the hell I am doing, and that I am not the only one who screws it up. If you aren't familiar with the book let me give you a quick run down: the authors, Greg and Liz, have letters from women in some sort of 'relationship'. They write and describe their issue, but usually it sounds like an excuse for the man they are 'dating'. Greg and Liz write back and tell it how it is to these women, then give some advice. I was thinking that I was really happy that I knew the guy I'm seeing is into me, for once I didn't have to consult the book to see what I was doing wrong. I know he's into me, we spend almost every night together, we go out to events and he invites me out with his friends. He doesn't want the pressure of having a girlfriend and that's ok, I know he's only seeing me, we talked about it. I was having a bad day and wanted to read something that makes me feel good so I pulled out my tattered copy of "He's Just Not That Into You". I made it all the way to chapter three before my heart dropped and I almost threw it across the room. Let me share the section I had read.

"Dear Greg,
I've been dating a guy for three months. We spend four or five night a week together. We go to events together. He calls me when he's going to and never flakes out on me. We're having a great time. He recently informed me that he doesn't want to be anyone's boyfriend and isn't ready for a serious relationship. But I know he's not dating anyone else. I think he's just scared of the term 'boyfriend.' Greg I'm always hearing that women should listen to a man's actions, not their words. So doesn't that mean that I should just ignore him and be secure in the fact he wants to spend all this time with me-that no matter what he's actually saying, the truth is he's really into me?
Keisha

Dear Not Listening,
I looked up 'I don't want to be your boyfriend' in the Relationship Dictionary, just to make sure I wasn't mistaken, but I was right. It still means 'I don't want to be your boyfriend.' Wow. And this coming from the guy who's spending four or five nights a week with you. That must hurt. Nice to know your not-boyfriend gets to live in your world commitment-free. Not quite sure what you're getting. If you want to give all that time to a guy who's proclaiming he's not your boyfriend, then go ahead. But I'd hope that you'd at least go find someone who wasn't saying to your face, 'I'm just not that into you.'

Men, just like women, like to feel emotionally protected when a relationship starts to become serious. One way they do is by laying claim to it. They actually want to say 'I'm your boyfriend' or 'I'd like to be your boyfriend' or 'If you ever break up with the other guy who's not your boyfriend, I'd like to be your boyfriend.' A man who's really into you is going to want you all to himself. And why wouldn't he, hot stuff?"

Uhmmmm, did I write that letter and send it to Greg??? WTF!?!?! Isn't Keisha's letter EXACTLY what I had been thinking for the last few weeks! While fighting the urge to shred my book and mail every scrap back to Greg and Liz, I took a breath, my situation was different, wasn't it? No it isn't. It's exactly the same. And their advice is legit. I know there is a guy out there who wants to be my boyfriend, but am I going to want him? I have rules for men I have as by boyfriends, I don't just give anyone that title. Usually, I'm just not that into him. So many questions, no good answers. I'm done asking these questions I already know the answers too. If you've got an excuse for the man you're "dating, sort of, or what ever" let me know what it is, I bet it's in the book, or I've used it. We are all dating the same guy...the one that's just not that into us. Just be glad you aren't alone.

NYE and 2011 Resolutions

I hate New Years Eve. I hate the pressure, I hate the expectation, I hate the kissing at midnight tradition, I hate it all. I was just going to stay in or head to a friends house with my dog when TBM asked if I wanted to meet him in Seattle. He went to Seattle for Christmas with his family then headed to Houston, TX to visit some friends. He was going to spend NYE there but he wanted to come home early and threw this idea to meet him in Seattle at me. I was game. Nothing about him ever has pressure or expectation, and I wouldn't mind kissing him at midnight! He has been away for about a week, we had been texting and talking on Skype the whole time. He is really good at keeping in touch even though he was on vacation and with his friends. Since he flew to Houston on stand-by he was having a hard time getting a flight out to meet me in Seattle. I had about 5 plans to meet him there, depending on what day and time he actually did leave. The day before NYE he realised he was not getting to Seattle for a few days at least, so, he suggested I go there. Within half an hour I was packed and out the door ready to go to Houston, the Houston in Texas! As I sat on the Clipper to Seattle drinking a glass of champagne I chatted with the people around me. They asked where I was headed and I told them the story. Complete strangers were amazed I was travelling such a distance to see someone. I wasn't phased at all, I really wanted to see TBM and spend New Years Eve with someone I cared about. I would have travelled further.
After a boat ride, some light rail travel and a horrible red eye, I arrive in Houston, exhausted. He picked me up at the airport and took me to paradise! He was staying with his friend in a gated community on the lake. The house was amazingly beautiful, right on the lake, full of tall ceilings and granite. His friend suggested I take a nap in the media room. I settled in to a very comfy couch and he closed the curtain. A few hours later I woke up, first slightly confused, where the hell was I?, then it all came back to me. The first thing I thought of was how crazy was I to travel all that way to spend two nights in Texas with someone who isn't even my boy friend. He had taken me to Vancouver the week before he left and we spent the night at the Fairmont Pacific Rim. It was so gorgeous, and a great time. We had a discussion then about how he wanted to be single. I had a momentary panic attack when I recalled everything we talked about, then got it together. Fine, he doesn't want me as his girl friend, he wants to be single, but he did fly me all the way to Southern USA to be with him on New Years Eve. While his ex girlfriend was not an option because she was on another continent, I still felt special that I was there.
We had a fantastic night, awesome burrito dinner with his friends and their families, drinks, dance parties and champagne! At midnight we watched fireworks from across the lake and had a perfect kiss. Everyone assumed we were together, because that's how we act. He always treats me really respectfully and is sweet. I like being with him and it shows. After an adventure to the local pub with some bar top dancing and befriending an armed security guard we headed to bed.
The next day we went for a walk to see another one of his friends, then headed out for a quick dirt bike and golf cart ride. We had left over burritos for dinner and watched the UFC fight in the media room with a bunch of people. Everyone was so nice and for two whole days I didn't care he wasn't really my boy friend. I just had a great time with him.
We ended up missing our flight home, thankfully we made it on the next one. His sister kindly picked us up from the airport. I got to meet his neice and nephew, they were so sweeet. TBM and I spent the afternoon in Seattle together. We went to the Space Needle, snuck into the Sci Fi museum and had a good time. He dropped me off at the SeaHawks field so I could watch the football game before we rushed for the boarder and made the last ferry.
All in all it was the best New Years I have ever had. I spent it with someone who cares about me, who I care about, someone who has fun with me, and is just all around fantastic. I couldn't have asked for a better way to start 2011. Now to keep the good trend going... Here are my 2011 resolutions!

• Be more social. I like to stay in, I like to watch movies, I turn down lots of invites out. This has to stop! If I'm ever going to have a real relationship I need to get out, and let it happen! Sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring hasn't worked yet, so I'm breaking the trend.
• Stop over analysing. If it feels right, go with it! There doesn't have to always be a catch...does there?
• Don't get walked all over. I like to help people and make people happy, but this often comes at the expense of my feelings or needs. I'm still going to treat people the same way, but I'm going to make sure I'm not hurting myself in the process.
• Do more yoga! I love hot yoga, but since I work, teach, volunteer and like to try to sped time with my friends I don't go as much as I should. I need to pick 30 days and go everyday! This is going to be a tough one, but once I do it I know I'll be happy with myself.

Four resolutions is a lot for me, so here's hoping I can do it! It would be easier if I had a boyfriend to support my goals and help me get there, but I don't so I'll have to do it myself. That's probably the one thing I miss most about having a relationship, the dependability, the security of knowing no matter what happens I have someone I can turn to who won't judge, who will just make it all better with one kiss, hug, smile or word. Since 2011 started out so great, I'm assuming it's only going to get better, I'll make sure of it actually!

Top of the Space Needle in Seattle