Priorities

I love the saying "Never make someone a priority who only thinks of you as an option". What a great idea! Why waste energy and time one someone who isn't interested in reciprocating, unless it suits them? I have been really busy, apparently having a BF does that to a girl, so I've been treating myself as an option. How ridiculous is that?! I've spent so much time making sure my relationship and boyfirend are happy that I forgot about me! I'm an ingredient in the relationship so I need to keep my self happy too.
After staring at my flip flop feet while sitting on the couch I decided that I needed my boring toes painted. As I went for the box of paints and glitter I have I thought of my colour options. There was that dirty "O" word again! Then, I made my toes, and myself a priority...I went out and got a pedicure! My feet were soaked, rubbed, moisturised, polished and made a priority. It only took half an hour to bring me back to me, just in time for summer!

The Ex Factor

Can you, and should you, be friends with your ex when you are dating someone new? Ask almost anyone, and they will say no. I say, it depends.

Reasons to not be freinds:

• It upsets your current relationship. I have a few ex's I am civil with, and when I am dating someone, if it makes them uncomfortable, I alter my interactions with them. I no longer call or text them daily, I don't have meals with them, and I make sure I let them know I'm seeing someone who I care about. It's a respect thing, and since I respect my current relationship I make sure I do everything to make them comfortable. 
• It leads your ex on. Until your ex realizes you are actually with someone else they think there is always a chance you'll get back together. This isn't fair to you, your ex, or the person you are currently dating. Being friends with them leaves their foot in the door, so kick it out.
• Poison.  Your ex knows you really well, and knows whats best for you, right? I mean, they put up with you and looked after you for how long?? Look at all they went through with you, why wouldn't they know whats best? Right? Wrong. Their opinion is just that, an opinion. And it should stay in their heads, and not be put into yours. You may say it won't affect your decisions, but honestly, it's poison, a slow acting poison working to ruin your happiness. And it's not just your happiness at stake here, your new relationship deserves more.
• It's hard to move on. If you have a constant reminder of all the happy times and laughs you had together you can never truly give yourself to your new relationship. Keeping the memories in the past, with your ex is the best way to appreciate what you did have, how it made you grow, and what you can do differently in your next relationship.

Now the good stuff, the reasons to be friends with your ex! 

• You want your ex back. So obviously you shouldn't be dating anyone else, should you?

Well as you can see I'm absolutely hell bent against being friends with your ex. I know it's a very small world and I am not saying don't be a total dick to them, I'm just saying don't be friends. Being civil when you see them in public is good, posting on their FaceBook profile weekly is bad. Asking about their family when you run into them is good, making a lunch date to catch up and fill them in on your second cousins hang nail is bad. You see where I'm going with this? If you really want to give your new relationship a chance, don't do it.

The "But We Really Are Dating" Excuse

I love the book "He's Just Not That Into You". It's helped me see I'm not the only one in the world that has problems with men. I like to know I'm not the only one who has no idea what the hell I am doing, and that I am not the only one who screws it up. If you aren't familiar with the book let me give you a quick run down: the authors, Greg and Liz, have letters from women in some sort of 'relationship'. They write and describe their issue, but usually it sounds like an excuse for the man they are 'dating'. Greg and Liz write back and tell it how it is to these women, then give some advice. I was thinking that I was really happy that I knew the guy I'm seeing is into me, for once I didn't have to consult the book to see what I was doing wrong. I know he's into me, we spend almost every night together, we go out to events and he invites me out with his friends. He doesn't want the pressure of having a girlfriend and that's ok, I know he's only seeing me, we talked about it. I was having a bad day and wanted to read something that makes me feel good so I pulled out my tattered copy of "He's Just Not That Into You". I made it all the way to chapter three before my heart dropped and I almost threw it across the room. Let me share the section I had read.

"Dear Greg,
I've been dating a guy for three months. We spend four or five night a week together. We go to events together. He calls me when he's going to and never flakes out on me. We're having a great time. He recently informed me that he doesn't want to be anyone's boyfriend and isn't ready for a serious relationship. But I know he's not dating anyone else. I think he's just scared of the term 'boyfriend.' Greg I'm always hearing that women should listen to a man's actions, not their words. So doesn't that mean that I should just ignore him and be secure in the fact he wants to spend all this time with me-that no matter what he's actually saying, the truth is he's really into me?
Keisha

Dear Not Listening,
I looked up 'I don't want to be your boyfriend' in the Relationship Dictionary, just to make sure I wasn't mistaken, but I was right. It still means 'I don't want to be your boyfriend.' Wow. And this coming from the guy who's spending four or five nights a week with you. That must hurt. Nice to know your not-boyfriend gets to live in your world commitment-free. Not quite sure what you're getting. If you want to give all that time to a guy who's proclaiming he's not your boyfriend, then go ahead. But I'd hope that you'd at least go find someone who wasn't saying to your face, 'I'm just not that into you.'

Men, just like women, like to feel emotionally protected when a relationship starts to become serious. One way they do is by laying claim to it. They actually want to say 'I'm your boyfriend' or 'I'd like to be your boyfriend' or 'If you ever break up with the other guy who's not your boyfriend, I'd like to be your boyfriend.' A man who's really into you is going to want you all to himself. And why wouldn't he, hot stuff?"

Uhmmmm, did I write that letter and send it to Greg??? WTF!?!?! Isn't Keisha's letter EXACTLY what I had been thinking for the last few weeks! While fighting the urge to shred my book and mail every scrap back to Greg and Liz, I took a breath, my situation was different, wasn't it? No it isn't. It's exactly the same. And their advice is legit. I know there is a guy out there who wants to be my boyfriend, but am I going to want him? I have rules for men I have as by boyfriends, I don't just give anyone that title. Usually, I'm just not that into him. So many questions, no good answers. I'm done asking these questions I already know the answers too. If you've got an excuse for the man you're "dating, sort of, or what ever" let me know what it is, I bet it's in the book, or I've used it. We are all dating the same guy...the one that's just not that into us. Just be glad you aren't alone.

Cake, Breakfast, and Bed Making

The Bed Maker is excellent at using the telephone. He calls when he says he is going to, and calls with no reason! He messages at all the right times, not just when it's good for him. It's amazing to have someone talk to me when it's good for me, not just him. He makes time for me, and has changed plans with his friends so he could see me. I am pretty busy, and since he wanted to see me he changed his plans so he could. I've been to his place a few times and him to mine. It's pretty even, and we have a good time together.

It was his Birthday last week. He went out with some friends for dinner. I found out they didn't get him a cake, or pay for his dinner even! No one should go with out Birthday cake!! I called him Saturday to invite him over for cake. I told him I was making him a Birthday cake and he sounded really excited. He came over and we hung out while the cake baked and cooled. I had made angel food cake and got strawberries and raspberries. we tried to make whipped cream, but since I don't have a hand mixer we tried to use a fork. This was a bad plan. We ended up going to the store and buying a can of whipped cream. While we were there he grabbed breakfast stuff. He had promised me breakfast last weekend but we didn't end up with time for it. He remembered, and followed through on his promise.

So I'm pretty bad at relationships, or at least defining them. So what is my next step? Am I really that girl who over analyzes everything? Should I just relax. I'm panicking because my online dating profile deletion dead line is tomorrow. Maybe I'll just relax and see what happens. How many times have I said this? Anyways, back to my date,

In the morning he made me an awesome breakfast. And he helped me make the bed.

May!

So we are almost caught up... I love my new lap top and internet!

I'm seeing the same guy! Yay! He's great. We text constantly, we meet up a few times a week, as much as possible, he's so sweet. We haven't spent the night together again but that's ok, I work lots and he has an important job, so he has to sleep enough and be at home. Plus I don't have a real bed, still an air matress, so I understand. I met his best friend for half an hour once too! So far this is going pretty well.

I decided to buy a bed and couch to make my awesome house on Bear Mountain even more awesome. My mom and I picked out an awesome couch and bed and she agreed to be there at my house when they get delivered. I'm pretty excited, I haven't had a real bed for years!! It's going to be like staying in a hotel every night.