Lost in Translation

So what I say is not always what I mean. Shocking huh? Since I'm a big believer in actions speaking louder than words I just assume people know what I'm thinking and feeling. Aren't you all mind readers?! Now I do agree, sometimes I'm pushing it. How is anyone supposed to know that an invite to my Birthday dinner was actually me asking why we don't spend more nights together? But some are pretty obvious, I thought... So, here's a little translation of my more commonly used phrases just so we're all on the same page.

What I Say	What I Mean
"Sure, what ever you want."	"Seriously?! Fine, but I'm going to remember this..."
"I need a snack."	"I need food NOW, or someone will DIE, and you're closest."
"Hopefully you can meet my friends."	"I want more of you in my life and can't wait for my friends to think you're as great as I do!"
"What are you doing this weekend?"	"You better not be going out with another girl."
"I could have a cocktail!"	"I may get wasted. I'm single, why not?!"
"I'm tired."	"I need food NOW, or someone will DIE, and you're closest."
"I want to go to Vegas."	"I'm going to Vegas."
"Go away."	"I'm so done with you and your sh*t if I see you on the road I will run you down."
"Isn't Mac the cutest?"	"My dog is #1 in my life, don't try to change that, ever."
"I need a hot tub."	"I need a hot tub, a massage, and a snack, immediately."
"I'm fine."	"If you can't figure it out read my Twitter feed, ugggg."
"I should eat..."	"I need food NOW, or someone will DIE, and you're closest."

So I get hungry. Big deal. I carry snacks in my purse because of it. I know I should be more open and say what I mean instead of just thinking and acting it, perhaps in 2013. This year is just so jam packed already. In the mean time: I should eat!

The "C" Word

So big surprise, 2012 hasn't been going according to plan. Typing my goals was such a great idea, I put them all out there for everyone to see. It's almost freaking April...I've only been to one yoga class this year, read half of 4 books, and forgot about the video blog all together until 5 seconds ago! I have drank different wine (lots of it) with friends, I have gone out with my friends (mostly with wine too), I've called my out of town bff's a few times. The one thing I've done really well is trip planning. I have two trips to Vegas booked and one to the Stampede. (By the way: I think the Stampede is like Vegas, what happens there stays there, so don't expect any posts about it.) I guess I'm on the right track, but my expectations of myself are clearly high. I am working an excessive amount right now so I should give myself a little leeway, fine. 2012 is right on track! So what could possibly derail it?!
Yes, a boy. Isn't it always a boy?! I'm not placing blame, there is none to place. I'm just...sayin'. Technically I'm single, but my heart is taken by someone I can't call my own. Why? Because I can't admit I c@re. Ug, I can't even type it. So I guess there is blame, it's my fault! He's patient, smart, fun, thoughtful, cute, funny, responsible, respectful and I could go on. He makes me want to miss work just to see him. He's fantastic. Does he know I think this? No. Again, because I can't admit I c@re. I guess what I'm saying is one day I'm going to tell him I c@re about him, and once that's out there I have to make sure I don't lose track of what I still want to do with my year. My wine is important. Oh, so is the travel, yoga, reading, video blogging and my friends, obviously! I guess I can add more things to my 2012 To Do List. And maybe The "C" Word  should be one of them...

Lost and Found

Last night I was somewhere where I found three items that I had left behind; a tea towel, a hanger and a pillow case. Three very replaceable items. Why didn't I just replace them? Because I didn't even know I had lost them. This got me thinking about what else had I lost with out knowing. No, I didn't run to my sock drawer and make sure they are all paired. (I know they are. I have sock OCD) I was up all night thinking about what I've found in myself during the last few months. I've made a little list.

Knowing what the f*ck I want. Not always for dinner, but out of life.

Confidence. I used to go everywhere by myself, but I haven't felt like I could walk into a room alone in a long time. High five to me. I can now go out again alone, including leaving my comfort zone of "LA".

Independence. This one is kind of bizarre, but I found out I still hate to take my garbage out. But, I can. And that's something.

Reliability. People can now depend on me again to be there, because I'm not in Boy Friend Land. That Land takes a lot of my friends.

Setting Goals. I rediscovered that feeling of meeting goals I set. I love that! When did I lose that? Why did I lose that??

Fun. Did I lose fun or am I just having more fun now? I'm not sure, and I don't care. I'm fun.

I really enjoy the things I found, and I'm looking forward to finding more. Never regret anything that made you smile...so if you do lose something, no matter how or why, just appreciate finding it.

All About Me

I always write about the sh*t that goes on in my life. I always write about how I react to it. I never write all about me. What do you really know about me, besides the bad luck I have with men? This is my blog. I feel like being selfish. I'm going to tell you All About Me. Somethings you may know already, but hopefully you'll learn something.

• My favorite color is purple. But most people assume its pink. 
• I just got an iPhone, and I love it. Since I'm scared of change I still have, and use, my BlackBerry too. One day I'll only have one phone. When I moved back from Toronto it took me almost two years to get a local phone number. It takes time for me to accept and trust change.
• I slept on an air mattress for years. Afraid of commitment, I liked the ability to be able to deflate and fold my life into my SUV. I bought a mattress set over a year ago and a beautiful bed frame recently. No longer am I afraid to commit. Also, no longer do I have an SUV, so I'd have to rent a moving truck anyway!
• The books on my night stand: Last months's Cosmo, Little Book of Moksha Yoga, He's Just Not That Into You, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
• The books on my coffee table: This month's Cosmo, MWF seeking BFF, Law of Attraction. Yes, I like to read.
• Supernatural DVD's are usually always in my DVD player. I own all the seasons. I was an X Files fan too. Don't judge me. There really are some things that can't be explained. 
• If I watch a movie its one of three: The Sweetest Thing, My Best Friends Wedding or Jerry Maguire. The first one is great. The other two are classics, and remind me of good times with great friends.
• I like mirrors. I grew up in a dance studio surrounded by them. I think they brighten a room up. Art is ok, but mirrors are like live art. 
• I spoil my dog. He runs the show in my house. He doesn't sleep on my bed though, he has three of his own. 
• I love hot rods. The louder the better. The faster the better. I love trucks too. 
• Vegas is my favorite vacation spot. I just booked a ticket there for my Birthday weekend.
• I believe in Love at first sight. It's happened to me, twice. I can't wait till it happens again. 
• I believe in Karma. You get back what you give.
• I always keep a bag packed just in case someone says "Get in the car, we're going to ***, now". I have a passport and I'm not afraid to use it!
• Talk is cheap. Actions speak louder than words. I think you should always do what you say and mean what you do. 
• I'd move anywhere hot in a heartbeat. Flip flops can't be beat. 
• In a perfect world I wouldn't work. I'd just volunteer and fund raise all day. Since real life is different than a perfect world, I have more than one job and volunteer and fund raise in my "spare" time. 
• I forgive, but never forget. 
• I'm loyal and devoted. My friends are everything. And I'd do anything for them.
• I like Moksha Yoga because it's hard for me. Not physically hard, I'm more than flexible and strong enough, but mentally hard. Slowing my self down and clearing my mind for a whole class is tough. I once let myself go so much in class I cried. I thought it was sweat at first, then realized I was crying.
• I have a full time day job, I teach dance in the evenings and sometimes I work at a cocktail lounge. If I had to pick one, I couldn't. Well it wouldn't be the lounge...
• Never give me an ultimatum. You will lose.
• I never regret anything that made me smile. 
• I don't know what I want to be doing in five years, and that doesn't bother me. All I know is that I'm enjoying now. 

 What do you want to know about me? Email me at charmed@charmedandsingle.com.

The Glass isn't Half Full, it's Empty.

I'm having a hard time getting over TBM. Not because I want to get back together, but because I feel I wasted a whole year of my life. What do I have to show for our year together? Besides a beautiful Tiffany & Co. hand engraved with the word "Charmed" bracelet, what did I get from our relationship? He got a devoted live in girl friend who worshiped him and did everything she could to make his life easier and fun. He got constant forgiveness and unconditional love. He got someone who was willing to sacrifice anything and everything for the good of the relationship. I got a bracelet?? As I thought more about this I got pretty bitter, then I realized I got a few other things too...

A kick ass Guacamole recipe! TBM makes hands down THE BEST guacamole. It's fantastic. And I know how to make it! I'd never thought of making my own guac, you can buy that stuff, but now I can! And it's so good!! I'll absolutely give you the recipe, or make you a batch. It goes great with tequila!

A little spice in my life! I used to have the most bland diet. When I lived in Toronto I ate all sorts of amazing foods. When I moved back to the Island I reverted back to meat and potatoes. The restaurant selection here just isn't good! TBM showed me I like burritos, and that I can make them my self if I have too! I can also cook my regular bland food with jalapenos (or serrano's if I screw up! They look similar...) I would have never tried them with out him. I know, you're thinking "Wow, all food related, that's so deep." but I'm currently hungry, and those two just came out first!

My friends will always be there. No matter how many times I annoyed my friends with the short comings of our relationship they were there. After we broke up I stayed with one of my friends for a few days. My dog and my tears showed up with no notice and I was welcomed with open arms, not just by her, but by her bf too. They didn't care what a mess I was, they were just there and let me be me. My friends have always been the same, awesome. Sure my relationship status, address and lifestyle has changed but they are still my friends, and always will be.

A new friend. When I first met his cousin I thought of her as his cousin. She was quiet and nothing like me. She's very sweet, a little quiet, and our life experiences are not a like at all. We've had very different relationships, work history, and family life (she's an only child). I used to think of her as TBM's cousin. Now shes my friend. She's proven to be a very solid sounding board, even though she's going through some major changes and issues of her own. She's been loyal, honest and straight forward. She loves wine, just like I do! She has her own opinion and tells me. When a mutual friend of ours did something shady I made a comment about this bitch. She said "I like (this bitch)" showing she is loyal to all her friends. She doesn't take sides, but sees all of them. Even though she is his cousin, she's been a good friend, and I'm glad to have met her and got to know her.

What I want in life, and relationships. He doesn't want to get married. I do. I also am open to having ONE child (and not raise it like his all organic consuming, judgemental, narrow minded sister raises her 'golden children'. They're the most talented, beautiful, do-no-wrong, brilliant kids in the world, ask her, or him for that matter.) I don't want to go to the bar and stay out all night. I want a house with a yard for my dog. I want to know my bf wants the same things I do. I like my job, and want to be with someone who is satisfied with their career too, not constantly bitching but doing nothing about it. When I set a goal I make sure I reach it. I want to be with someone who also sets, and reaches their goals.

So I did get a few good things out of our relationship, more than a bracelet, but what are the best things about parting ways with TBM? 

Knowing I'm not alone, even though I'm not part of a couple. One of the worst parts of this break up was feeling so alone. I didn't have anyone to make dinner for, so I didn't eat. I didn't have anyone to go out with, so I stayed in bed all weekend. Alright, I'm still sort of doing both these things but at least I don't feel so alone anymore. I have a friend who watches terrible reality TV with me, even though she's a few time zones away. I have a friend who BBM's or Tweets me a simple "Keep your chin up" so I know shes thinking of me. I have a friend who makes sure I eat, even if she has to bring me food to work. She also asks how I'm doing every day, and that in itself makes me feel I'm not alone.

I get to blog! I like to write about my adventures. I have ridiculous adventures. Did you know I went to the Play Boy Mansion for Halloween? How about that I spent a weekend with Shannon Tweed and Gene Simmons? No you didn't, because I had a bf who was so rattled by me doing fun things with out him I couldn't share them with any one. I couldn't enjoy them as much as I should have. I had to down play the fact that I was really excited about these things. I was excited about things that didn't always include him. And that is OK!! So far I've got two adventures planned. A road trip to see a country music concert in February and Vegas in April for my Birthday. You can bet I'll be sharing some details about these trips! Well, maybe not the Vegas one...

So while the glass of our relationship is very empty, the bottle of my life is full. And the tasting notes on this bottle: Fucking Awesome.