TBM and I spent most of the day together. He helped me with some errands, and went for lunch. He got the truck door for me. I pretty much floated around I was so happy. He's so easy to be around, I'm never anxious around him and I can totally be myself. I really like it. But what is "it"? I, of course, like to label things so I started thinking about it. We went back to my house and he had a nap before my staff party. We got ready and headed up the mountain to have some dinner.
He was the perfect date. He dressed well, talked to people, got my drinks, was all around charming. It was so nice spending time with him in a social environment. We don't usually go out other than today. The staff party was pretty uneventful, I don't think anyone even danced, so we left pretty early. TBM took me to one of his friends party. I was someones date! I was someones date that I like!!
I spent the night at his house, and he made me breakfast in the morning. We had a lazy Sunday just hanging out and napping. This led to some conversations, one in particular about commitment. He brought up how he doesn't want to be in a relationship. Ouch. Going on he says he doesn't want to commit. Then, the topper, he said he could commit to sleeping with only me. At first I thought I was OK with this. I planned on relaxing and enjoying the time we spent together, but then I though WTF? This sounds more like he doesn't want a title, and doesn't want to title me. And why I am not worthy of the title, specifically title of Girl Friend?
I've been writing this for days now. I don't want to post it until after I talk to him about it again, because I know he'll read it. And so last week when he took me out for dinner I brought it up. Huge for me, I know! I told him I was having problems posting it and wanted to talk about it first. I really appreciate his honesty, and how he can tell me exactly what he wants (or in this case, doesn't want) I also have a really good time with him. He's told me he has a good time with me too, but... Ya, there's always a but! We had the same conversation again, and I told him, again, I'm OK with the no commitment commitment he is able to commit to, because I am, for now. I absolutely don't want to see anyone else, but... (told you there was always a but) I can't do this forever. I'm not going to pressure him into a title, or giving me a title, I'm actually going to just enjoy the time we spend together. I'm not a needy girl and I need to stop acting and thinking like one. I'm independent, sometimes too independent. I want to be with someone, and title it, but I don't have to do that right now.
So why haven't I posted this after almost 2 weeks? I just haven't convinced my self that I really am OK with it. It's one thing to say and know that not having a title is fine, and for the best right now, but my heart just can't accept it. CB asked me if I'd rather have half of something or all of nothing, and that definitely helped my head be even more OK with my hearts situation. I talked to him about this AGAIN last night with the same result, obviously, he really just wants to be single. As long as he's going to be single with me I'll live. I'll take my half of something, and enjoy it.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
I LOVE My Friends
Social media is the devil. I don't like to be Facebook friends with people I don't know very well. I use the limited profile for business contacts and anyone else I just get to know the real them first, and they me, then I add. I added The Bed Maker after another great day with him. It's a pretty big thing for me, but I took the step and let him see my profile.
He came over for dinner the day after, and mentioned he found my blog. Damn. It's my own fault. I should have never added the link on my profile. My friends know the stories first hand, so it wasn't a big deal if they read it. Having him read it though...little different. He was different, and quiet for most of the night. So was I. I couldn't stop my thinking about what he read, how he interpreted it, how he reacted. I felt pretty bad. Then I realized, I was having a feeling! I don't seem to care about men very much. I haven't dated anyone since I lived in Toronto almost two years ago. I would like to blame the West Coast Men, but at some point I'll have to admit: its me. I really can't stand the thought of being hurt, ever again. This makes me so guarded no one knows how I feel, including me. Usually this facade works well, I have fun, I work hard, I play harder, I find new fun elsewhere before I let myself get attached. The cycle continues. I don't know how long I could go on like this for but I think it should stop. The sound of his voice when he brought it up made me realize my walls don't just affect me, they affect the people in my life. He definitely doesn't deserve that.
I did what all girls do today and asked my girl friends what they thought. Here is what they said, and my responses now that I've had time to ponder their amazingly honest and appreciated comments:
CB: "It sounds like you're dating three guys and not happy with any of them, but like The Friend most"
Me: Hmm, yes it does after a second read. Perception really is everything, and I didn't see it till after, but it's the first thing CB thought. Since I've met TBM he's the only person I've seen, or wanted to see. I've stayed up way too late and gotten up way to early just to spend a few hours with him. No where did I say that, I just knew it. Did I just expect him to read my mind? Apparently.
KB: "You met a boy you can hang out with more than twice?"
Me: Yes I did, and I have nooooo idea what to do about it. At this point I'm thinking talking to friends was a flawed plan. No one quite knows how to take me when I'm trying to be serious and talk feelings.
LA: "He helps you make the bed in the morning, that's why I named him The Bed Maker. He makes you laugh, and you both have fun. No guy that makes your bed, laughs and has fun is really going to care too much about what you wrote in a blog."
Me: Sure hope so. He did say he wasn't going to read it ever again, but that doesn't make what he did read go away. Why is it such a big deal to me that he helps me make my bed, and dinner, and empty my dishwasher? The simple things really do matter I guess. Diamonds do too though, lets never forget that.
LC: "He's hot."
Me: Yes, he is, stop creeping him on FB please.
What have I learned from this weekend? Mimosa's are bottomless on Sundays, my friends are amazing and I need them more than they'll ever know, and I actually like The Bed Maker. Enough to put myself out there and see where it goes with him? We'll just have to wait and see, but I'm going to try. I did invite him to my staff Christmas function, that's something...
He came over for dinner the day after, and mentioned he found my blog. Damn. It's my own fault. I should have never added the link on my profile. My friends know the stories first hand, so it wasn't a big deal if they read it. Having him read it though...little different. He was different, and quiet for most of the night. So was I. I couldn't stop my thinking about what he read, how he interpreted it, how he reacted. I felt pretty bad. Then I realized, I was having a feeling! I don't seem to care about men very much. I haven't dated anyone since I lived in Toronto almost two years ago. I would like to blame the West Coast Men, but at some point I'll have to admit: its me. I really can't stand the thought of being hurt, ever again. This makes me so guarded no one knows how I feel, including me. Usually this facade works well, I have fun, I work hard, I play harder, I find new fun elsewhere before I let myself get attached. The cycle continues. I don't know how long I could go on like this for but I think it should stop. The sound of his voice when he brought it up made me realize my walls don't just affect me, they affect the people in my life. He definitely doesn't deserve that.
I did what all girls do today and asked my girl friends what they thought. Here is what they said, and my responses now that I've had time to ponder their amazingly honest and appreciated comments:
CB: "It sounds like you're dating three guys and not happy with any of them, but like The Friend most"
Me: Hmm, yes it does after a second read. Perception really is everything, and I didn't see it till after, but it's the first thing CB thought. Since I've met TBM he's the only person I've seen, or wanted to see. I've stayed up way too late and gotten up way to early just to spend a few hours with him. No where did I say that, I just knew it. Did I just expect him to read my mind? Apparently.
KB: "You met a boy you can hang out with more than twice?"
Me: Yes I did, and I have nooooo idea what to do about it. At this point I'm thinking talking to friends was a flawed plan. No one quite knows how to take me when I'm trying to be serious and talk feelings.
LA: "He helps you make the bed in the morning, that's why I named him The Bed Maker. He makes you laugh, and you both have fun. No guy that makes your bed, laughs and has fun is really going to care too much about what you wrote in a blog."
Me: Sure hope so. He did say he wasn't going to read it ever again, but that doesn't make what he did read go away. Why is it such a big deal to me that he helps me make my bed, and dinner, and empty my dishwasher? The simple things really do matter I guess. Diamonds do too though, lets never forget that.
LC: "He's hot."
Me: Yes, he is, stop creeping him on FB please.
What have I learned from this weekend? Mimosa's are bottomless on Sundays, my friends are amazing and I need them more than they'll ever know, and I actually like The Bed Maker. Enough to put myself out there and see where it goes with him? We'll just have to wait and see, but I'm going to try. I did invite him to my staff Christmas function, that's something...
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Life After Fishing
I did it! I deleted my online dating profile. Not because I met the man of my dreams, not because I'm even seeing someone, just because it had to be done. After months and months of terrible messages I'm very glad it's over. I had set the criteria so only users within my parametres could message me, but they still managed to get by it. I was looking for someone who was single, within 10 km's, and no children. I would daily get messages from men and after a few responses back and forth they'd end up saying they're separated, thier kids only are with them on weekends, and they live in Naniamo. What?? Why would you think I was interested in getting to know someone who couldn't tell the truth on simple questions like: "Marital Status" or "Do You Have Children?"
I guess my online experience hasn't been a complete waste of time. I did meet Five Minutes Late and The Bed Maker. I still talk to both of these sweet guys but of course it's gone no where with either. I'm obviously expecting too much from men in general. I mean, what kind of selfish girl wants to go out on a real date and not just come over to your house at 11:00pm to hang out?
I have been talking to The Friend quite a bit lately. He also is a guy who likes to just watch movies and sit around at night. I can't say I blame him too much as he doesn't want The Non BF to know about our involvement. So when I texted him on Friday night imagine my surprise when I got a message back from a number not stored in my phone saying: "I'm with (The Friend). What's with the text??" Ummm, uh oh! I had deleted The Non BF's number months ago so I wouldn't drunk dial, so when I replied with "Who is this?" he got a little upset. Apparently The Non was holding The Friends phone at the exact time I messaged him. I ended up sending a few messages back and forth between the both of them. I also had to re read them all in the morning to make sure I hadn't said anything I'd regret. I'm still a little hurt about The Non, but I definitely don't want to do anything worse to jeopardise their friendship. I know it's not my friendship to ruin, but I do care about both of them. My plan is just deny, deny, deny if The Non BF asks, and to keep seeing The Friend on the sly. Apparently he doesn't suspect anything, and that's pretty funny considering what he does for work. I know if he asked me to my face he would see right through me though. Sigh.
Well, It's holiday party season, time to get out into the real world and meet "The One". Wish me luck
I guess my online experience hasn't been a complete waste of time. I did meet Five Minutes Late and The Bed Maker. I still talk to both of these sweet guys but of course it's gone no where with either. I'm obviously expecting too much from men in general. I mean, what kind of selfish girl wants to go out on a real date and not just come over to your house at 11:00pm to hang out?
I have been talking to The Friend quite a bit lately. He also is a guy who likes to just watch movies and sit around at night. I can't say I blame him too much as he doesn't want The Non BF to know about our involvement. So when I texted him on Friday night imagine my surprise when I got a message back from a number not stored in my phone saying: "I'm with (The Friend). What's with the text??" Ummm, uh oh! I had deleted The Non BF's number months ago so I wouldn't drunk dial, so when I replied with "Who is this?" he got a little upset. Apparently The Non was holding The Friends phone at the exact time I messaged him. I ended up sending a few messages back and forth between the both of them. I also had to re read them all in the morning to make sure I hadn't said anything I'd regret. I'm still a little hurt about The Non, but I definitely don't want to do anything worse to jeopardise their friendship. I know it's not my friendship to ruin, but I do care about both of them. My plan is just deny, deny, deny if The Non BF asks, and to keep seeing The Friend on the sly. Apparently he doesn't suspect anything, and that's pretty funny considering what he does for work. I know if he asked me to my face he would see right through me though. Sigh.
Well, It's holiday party season, time to get out into the real world and meet "The One". Wish me luck
Monday, November 29, 2010
Cake, Breakfast, and Bed Making
The Bed Maker is excellent at using the telephone. He calls when he says he is going to, and calls with no reason! He messages at all the right times, not just when it's good for him. It's amazing to have someone talk to me when it's good for me, not just him. He makes time for me, and has changed plans with his friends so he could see me. I am pretty busy, and since he wanted to see me he changed his plans so he could. I've been to his place a few times and him to mine. It's pretty even, and we have a good time together.
It was his Birthday last week. He went out with some friends for dinner. I found out they didn't get him a cake, or pay for his dinner even! No one should go with out Birthday cake!! I called him Saturday to invite him over for cake. I told him I was making him a Birthday cake and he sounded really excited. He came over and we hung out while the cake baked and cooled. I had made angel food cake and got strawberries and raspberries. we tried to make whipped cream, but since I don't have a hand mixer we tried to use a fork. This was a bad plan. We ended up going to the store and buying a can of whipped cream. While we were there he grabbed breakfast stuff. He had promised me breakfast last weekend but we didn't end up with time for it. He remembered, and followed through on his promise.
So I'm pretty bad at relationships, or at least defining them. So what is my next step? Am I really that girl who over analyzes everything? Should I just relax. I'm panicking because my online dating profile deletion dead line is tomorrow. Maybe I'll just relax and see what happens. How many times have I said this? Anyways, back to my date,
In the morning he made me an awesome breakfast. And he helped me make the bed.
It was his Birthday last week. He went out with some friends for dinner. I found out they didn't get him a cake, or pay for his dinner even! No one should go with out Birthday cake!! I called him Saturday to invite him over for cake. I told him I was making him a Birthday cake and he sounded really excited. He came over and we hung out while the cake baked and cooled. I had made angel food cake and got strawberries and raspberries. we tried to make whipped cream, but since I don't have a hand mixer we tried to use a fork. This was a bad plan. We ended up going to the store and buying a can of whipped cream. While we were there he grabbed breakfast stuff. He had promised me breakfast last weekend but we didn't end up with time for it. He remembered, and followed through on his promise.
So I'm pretty bad at relationships, or at least defining them. So what is my next step? Am I really that girl who over analyzes everything? Should I just relax. I'm panicking because my online dating profile deletion dead line is tomorrow. Maybe I'll just relax and see what happens. How many times have I said this? Anyways, back to my date,
In the morning he made me an awesome breakfast. And he helped me make the bed.
Friday, November 19, 2010
The Bed Maker (TBM)
As my dead line of deleting my online dating profile creeps closer, I exchange messages with another boy. He sent me many messages, all of them more than one sentence. They had solid content, He actually seemed to be trying to get to know me. Eventually we started texting each other. He was away in Arizona and we texted while he was there. We made plans to meet up when he got back . He suggested going indoor rock climbing for our first date. When I mentioned I have climbed before he rescinded, he didn't want to look bad. It was cute. Eventually I propose going bowling in Duncan. He agreed it was a fantastic idea. We sorted out the details and I was looking forward to it. I love road trips, even if they are just to Duncan!
Date day arrives and he messages me all freaked out. It's his first time meeting someone on line and he is worried I'm really an ogre or something. I laughed and sent him a couple pictures from my work email. Now he knows my last name and where I work. I hope he isn't a physco! Apparently he was OK with the pictures I sent and he picks me up right on time and opens the door to his truck for me. (A GMC Sierra, with heated seats!! Awesome!!) During the drive up he was really easy to talk to, he made me laugh, and there were no awkward silences. He asked lots of questions and had no problem answering any of mine. We bowled three games and he let me win the last one. He asked if I wanted to play pool, and I said yes. We ended up at the Log House. They don't have a pool table, but they had drinks. He drove me home and I invited him in for one more drink. I poured it extra strong so he wouldn't be able to drive home. Man I'm sneaky. He opened the car door for me all night, was really polite, listened, told the truth about everything (Even about being married before). I had a great night and just didn't want it to end.
In the morning he was really sweet, still. He made my bed... I always make my bed in the morning, but today he helped me. It was nice having someone help me with something! He also fed Mac and took him outside and played with him while I got ready. All with out me asking. Nice guys do exist!! TBM asked me when he was going to see me again. I told him that was up to him. So he asked me if I wanted to have breakfast Saturday. TBM made plans with me. He wants to see me. I know this was one date, but it was one really good date! As I've wrote this he has messaged me twice and phoned me when he said he would. Wow.
The one thing I hate the most about being single is having to take out my own garbage. I know TBM would take out the garbage for me. Is he too good to be true? Or have I found Mr. Right Now?
Date day arrives and he messages me all freaked out. It's his first time meeting someone on line and he is worried I'm really an ogre or something. I laughed and sent him a couple pictures from my work email. Now he knows my last name and where I work. I hope he isn't a physco! Apparently he was OK with the pictures I sent and he picks me up right on time and opens the door to his truck for me. (A GMC Sierra, with heated seats!! Awesome!!) During the drive up he was really easy to talk to, he made me laugh, and there were no awkward silences. He asked lots of questions and had no problem answering any of mine. We bowled three games and he let me win the last one. He asked if I wanted to play pool, and I said yes. We ended up at the Log House. They don't have a pool table, but they had drinks. He drove me home and I invited him in for one more drink. I poured it extra strong so he wouldn't be able to drive home. Man I'm sneaky. He opened the car door for me all night, was really polite, listened, told the truth about everything (Even about being married before). I had a great night and just didn't want it to end.
In the morning he was really sweet, still. He made my bed... I always make my bed in the morning, but today he helped me. It was nice having someone help me with something! He also fed Mac and took him outside and played with him while I got ready. All with out me asking. Nice guys do exist!! TBM asked me when he was going to see me again. I told him that was up to him. So he asked me if I wanted to have breakfast Saturday. TBM made plans with me. He wants to see me. I know this was one date, but it was one really good date! As I've wrote this he has messaged me twice and phoned me when he said he would. Wow.
The one thing I hate the most about being single is having to take out my own garbage. I know TBM would take out the garbage for me. Is he too good to be true? Or have I found Mr. Right Now?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
